Haven
by JadeMac2442
Summary: AU. Christopher Pike is on the crew of the ship that relieves Tarsus IV. He finds a young orphan Jim Kirk in a cell, and decides to adopt him. Very dark at first.
1. Chapter 1

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**Disclaimer.** I don't own Star Trek.

**WARNING. ....Torture. Genocide....Also, language. ** It's a dark chapter. The fic will get lighter eventually, but for the next couple chapters, it's a way dark piece of fiction. If this is going to bother you, please don't read it.

Pike is on the recovery team sent to Tarsus IV. He finds an orphan Jim Kirk locked in a cell, and eventually adopts him. There will be fluff....later.

Much later.

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Haven

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Lieutenant Christopher Pike turned to the side and vomited into the grass. He could not believe his senses. He _did not want_ to believe his senses.

He wished he could turn his senses off. His nose, especially. The air was thick with the scent of blood. It choked him, overwhelmed him. It gagged again. Worse though, than the sweet, metallic scent of blood was the faint undercurrent of burnt meat.

Charred flesh.

He heaved again.

_God, when did man lose his reason?_

Pike vomited until there was nothing left his stomach. Then he continued dry heaving until his muscles could not spasm any more.

He spat and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. Nothing in command school had ever prepared him for this.

The small cluster of officers and crewmen he'd brought down with him were faring no better. The ones who hadn't yet puked their guts out were looking decidedly green.

Pike doubted that any of them would ever forget the name of this planet.

Tarsus IV.

Pike would see it in his dreams until the day he died.

Thus far, they had found no survivors of the massacre.

_Starfleet had not responded soon enough._

This colony had apparently had some sort of blight on its crops. Eight thousand colonists and no food. That was all that Starfleet knew when it responded.

Apparently the planet's leader had thought that desperate times called for desperate measures.

Pike had his detail fan out to continue the search. "We'll check the governor's palace next."

"Yes, sir."

The square was a mess, making even the most stalwart officers squeamish about where they stepped.

Pike squared his shoulders and stepped more firmly into his role. Sometimes command was more about acting than anything else. Well, he could act. And he would. He schooled his features into an emotionless mask that would have done a Vulcan proud.

He would be the stern lieutenant to which they were all accustomed. Grim, hard, and unaffected. He could do this.

He walked forward briskly, determinedly not looking down, nor altering his steps to walk around or to step over anything.

Pike took a deep breath and barked, "Fan out." His men acknowledged the command wordlessly, taking flanking positions and dispersing admirably. They also seemed to take solace from his stoic resignation.

Pike nodded. He was strong enough to be the bulwark that anchored them. They took their cues from him, and instantly appeared both more composed and more alert. He led them slowly across the square, trying to ignore the red brown stains that scarred the flagstones.

Pike was careful at the palace entrance. The doors and stairs would make an excellent place for the governor's troops to ambush the Starfleet personal. Yet he needn't have worried, the foyer was empty.

There was no sound of running feet, no shouting of orders, no disrupter or phaser fire. It was eerily quiet. The stillness struck Pike more than anything.

After the scene outside, Pike had expected chaos.

He wanted chaos. Chaos he could deal handle.

But this terrible, terrifying stillness….

_It was hell._

There was nothing he could do.

No way to help.

They were too late.

Pike cursed himself.

The red shirted men flanked out, scouring the lower floors.

"Sir," one of his men shouted. Pike was running toward the man before he even acknowledged the shout. The crewman pointed at the door that led to the lower floors.

It was locked and bolted.

Anything that Kodos wanted kept locked, Pike wanted to see.

"Open it."

The crewman hesitated, looking for something to open it with.

Pike pulled out his phaser impatiently, changed the setting and pointed it at the door.

He fired.

The door glowed red and then dissolved.

Pike wasn't playing anymore.

The stairs descended to a depth which surprised even Pike, the air growing noticeably more damp and cold with every passing step.

What was the bastard keeping down here?

The stairway ended at a narrow hallway. The area was dank, the lighting scarce. Pike moved his hand in the signal for voiceless command. Little light and little air. It felt like a trap.

He did not want anyone speaking aloud, and calling attention to themselves.

Two of the men worked forward slowly, and Pike had the presence of mind to curse whatever Admiralty jackass thought red was an appropriate color for delicate maneuvering and scouting work.

If he lost any of his men to this madman, then someone was going to pay.

Pike ground his teeth to together in an attempt to keep his expression neutral. He was allowing his anger to get the better of him. He took a deep breath and settled himself, taking the time to observe his surroundings.

This was clearly the colony's jail.

Lieutenant Pike was loath to find out what had gone on in here.

His two scouts were back. "Clear, sir. No guards."

Pike nodded, keeping his phaser out.

"See about possible survivors."

The detail nodded. They fanned out, copying Pike's rather unique solution to opening the cell doors.

"Lieutenant! Here, sir." There was something wrong with Johnson's voice. Pike could hear the revulsion in it. And the fear. Pike ran.

The security man still had his phaser up at chest level, and he was staring wide-eyed at something in the cell.

Pike pushed him out of the way.

There was no window in the cell. The only light spilled in from the hallway. It took Pike's eyes a second before they adjusted to the gloom.

He had never seen anything like it.

Even the scene outside had not prepared him for this.

The cell was a mass of filth, as though it had not been cleaned. There was a cot in the corner, and laying on the cot—

God, was that a child?

It had to be.

It would be more honest to call it a small skeleton, covered with skin.

But when Pike saw the hair, he knew it was a child.

The shirtless boy was chained to the wall, his back showing evidence of recent whipping.

The boy had not looked up at their arrival. His attention was focused solely on one object in the room: the one object that could have made this travesty any horrible than it was.

Lying on a plate just out of the boy's reach, was a loaf of bread.

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Kinda heavy...sorry.

Yeah...so its not my normal, but it popped into my head and I went with it...should I continue?

Let me know what you think.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Trek.

**WARNING. ....Torture. Genocide....Also, language. **You read the first chapter, right. It's more of the same. Very dark. The fic will get lighter eventually, but for the next couple chapters, it's a way dark piece of fiction. If this is going to bother you, please don't read it.

This will remain Pike's POV. So he'll be the focal character. But there'll be plenty of Jim later. Pike is adopting him (eventually), after all.

* * *

For a moment, he was frozen, staring, but then Pike jolted himself to walk forward. He dropped to his knees in front of the youngster, obscuring the boy's vision of the bread. Finally, the child looked up.

He had the bluest eyes Pike had ever seen.

The kid was filthy. He was covered in blood, and God only knew what else.

Pike estimated the kid was maybe twelve. He wasn't sure. The boy was so emaciated; it was hard to tell his size.

"Hey," he said gently. "I'm Chris. We're gonna try and get you out of here." Pike wondered if the child spoke standard.

The boy didn't speak, but he did nod. So he did speak standard.

It was a start.

"I'm going to go get you out of these restraints, okay." Pike looked the boy in the face. He kept eye contact, speaking slowly and soothingly. He did not want to frighten the kid.

Pike could not shake the idea that the boy's eyes were familiar. Maybe it was just that the blue orbs were haunting. They were the eyes of someone much older than himself. Pike shuddered to think what they might have seen. He thought they might sear through his soul. He kept his movements slow and very deliberate, making sure the kid could see every move he made.

He looked over the child's wrists, which were torn and bloody from the chains. Pike wondered how long the boy he had been here, and for what reason had he been imprisoned?**.** Pike didn't dare try to cut the chains at the wrists; he was afraid of hurting the boy.

Pike pulled out his phaser and cut the chains off at the wall, to take the pressure off the boy's wrists. Then the kid at least has his arms free, but he did still have three feet lengths of chain attached to each arm. Pike phasered off the chains a link or two down from the kid's wrists so he wouldn't have to haul the chains around, and all that remained were the cuffs on the wrists. Pike didn't trust himself to remove those without further damaging the child's torn flesh.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to cut those off here, because I might hurt you. You understand?" He made eye contact with the boy as he spoke, wanting to guarantee that the child understood.

The boy nodded again. So quiet. So serious.

"I'm gonna check you over, that okay?" Pike was going do it even if the boy said no, but he figured it might go over better if he acted like the kid had a choice. Victims of trauma were known to recover faster when they felt like they had control over their lives and choices. But checking the child out was a matter of ascertaining his physical safety. Pike hoped he would agree, so he would not have to go around the kid's wishes. The boy nodded again.

Pike responded, "Ok, good." He kept himself at the child's eye level**,** making sure to never lean over the boy or to move into the child's space more than necessary.

He was not going to intimidate this child.

But the boy didn't act afraid.

Pike wasn't sure he _could_ intimidate this kid.

"What's your name?" Pike asked.

"Jimmy." The boy spoke for the first time. Pike nodded.

"Hi, Jimmy." Jimmy nodded, but didn't smile or otherwise acknowledge his name. Starting with the boy's feet, Pike had him slowly move each part of his body, checking to see if the boy had any other injuries. He prayed that Jimmy wasn't feverish or hypo-thermic. He was also worried about the child going into shock. Pike was surprised, but pleased, to see that beyond the obvious extended starvation and whipping, there was nothing else apparently wrong with the kid.

Pike thanked the stars for small mercies. He wasn't sure he could handle much more than this.

Pike reached behind him to check the bread. He could not have risked giving it to the boy if Jimmy was going into shock. But Pike thought the kid might be okay to eat. The bread was _fresh_.

Oh God, was this a daily torture they had inflicted on him?

Pike's vision went red at the edges, and for a moment he couldn't see.

He forced himself to breathe.

His vision cleared and focused on the boy, who was still staring at him, wide-eyed. Only now Jimmy's attention was focused wholly on the bread that Pike was crushing in his hands.

Jimmy hadn't reached for it; he hadn't asked for it. He just watched it.

Pike ground his teeth at the thought of how often they must have tortured this kid. He ripped a small piece off the top of the loaf and handed it to Jimmy. "I know you're hungry, Jimmy, but try to eat it slow. Too much too fast will make you sick."

But the child hadn't stuffed the whole thing in his mouth, he'd torn a piece from the edge and was munching it slowly. "I know," the boy replied.

Pike ground his teeth together again.

No child should know that.

Pike looked over the kid. He was wearing shorts, but that was all. No shoes. Not that Pike wouldn't have trusted someone in his condition to walk anyway.

He waited until the boy had finished the small piece of bread, and then he said, "You ready to leave, Jimmy?"

Jimmy nodded, with small shy smile that graced his features for the first time. Pike could see that one of the boy's lips was split.

His blood boiled.

And then Pike saw it. He knew who those eyes reminded him of.

_Oh holy fuck. _**  
**

_Please God, no._

He looked again, but the smile was gone from the boy's face. Jimmy looked again like the solemn, blank faced child he'd been when Pike walked in. But Pike was pretty damn sure of what he'd seen._  
_

"Jimmy," he said, slowly, "What's your last name?"

"Kirk," the boy answered promptly but softly, not looking up.

_Shit. Sweet mother of God._

He'd been right. Pike allowed his eyes to close and he bit his lips to keep from showing his reaction in front of Jimmy.

George's son.

Oh fuck. Just fuck.

Chris needed a moment.

"Jimmy, just sit there a second, okay? I'll be right back."

Jimmy nodded, munching. Despite his rage, Pike noticed the boy was still eating slowly. Damn. No child should ever eat that slow.

Damn it all.

Pike stalked into the hallway. His men, who had clustered around the door, scattered as they saw the expression on his face. He didn't blame them. He'd have run too if he'd have seen the expression he was wearing on his own face.

"Notify the captain that we've found a survivor, alert medical, and then go look for any other survivors. It's not gonna be pretty, so prepare yourselves," he snapped.

No one moved. Pike raised an eyebrow.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go!" They went.

When they were safely out of sight, Pike punched the wall. And again. And again.

His knuckles bled. He didn't care.

That was George's son. George Kirk's son.

Jim Kirk.

Oh god.

Pike forced himself to breathe. And breathe.

He composed himself, schooled his features, and went back into the cell.

He hid his hand behind his back.

"Okay, Jimmy buddy, you ready to go?"

Kirk nodded.

"I really don't want you to walk. How's about I give you a piggy back ride until I get someone else to check you out? That way you can eat some more, provided you do it slow, and also that way I can be careful of your back. I don't imagine you want me to touch it."

Jimmy didn't answer immediately. The look on his face went almost defiant, and then slowly he nodded his acquiescence.

Pike knelt before the boy again, and moved to be within Jimmy's reach. He wasn't going to pick the kid up. He was going to let Jimmy come to him. Pike could see the effort in every single movement the child made. Every single one of Jimmy's limbs was shaking with the effort of the movements. Small tremors wracked his tiny frame. Pike watched the child hide wince after wince. Pike was reminded of both George and himself as he watched the boy bite down on his lips to conceal the grimaces. Pike could not imagine what kind of pain the boy was in. Both physical and mental.

He knew better than to ask though. He remembered from one of his training classes that one should not ever pressure a child victim about revealing his experiences. One could listen, but only if the kid volunteered the information first. Any actual questioning needed to be done by a trained psychologist, both for the sake of the child, and for the sake of the evidence, especially in a case like this, where there could a be trial involved. Pike wondered if any lawyer in the galaxy would agree to represent Kodos. Humans had not seen genocide like this since the third world war, more than two centuries before. Pike fought a shudder as he thought about it.

He was not surprised by how little Kirk weighed. He was surprised by the kid's grip though. Whatever had happened, this kid wasn't broken. He still had spirit.

Jim Kirk probably had a long road to recovery ahead, but whatever else was involved, they had a start.

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Ok, so I do some advocacy for domestic violence and sexual assault, and I'm not making up the stuff at about how to handle kids undergoing trauma. Be non-threatening. Eye level. Small words. And don't push. Just listen and believe them. It's more helpful than anything you can imagine. And if what they need is silence, then let it be quiet. It's about what they need after all.

Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Trek.

* * *

**WARNING. ....Torture. Genocide....Also, language. **You read the first chapter, right. It's more of the same. Very dark. The fic will get lighter eventually, but for the next couple chapters, it's a way dark piece of fiction. If this is going to bother you, please don't read it.

This chapter is unbeta-ed

* * *

Pike held the boy carefully. He was nervous about harming the kid. Jimmy had a most impressive grip. His hands were strong for someone his age. Especially for someone in his condition. Pike thought that if he were Jimmy Kirk, he'd be near fainting now. But evidently Jimmy Kirk was made of sterner stuff than most.

Pike wasn't surprised.

God, what had happened to Winona? What was Jimmy doing here?

And what was Jimmy doing in _there_?

Pike really wanted to ask.

But he wasn't sure if he could. So he just carried the kid. Silent for the moment.

In the hallway, Pike met up with a two of the men from his team. The informed him that they'd as yet found no one else in the jail.

_Jail. Right_. Pike had other words for it.

He fought the urge to spit.

He felt Jimmy shift behind him and he half turned to see what was the matter. Jimmy had turned his head away from the crewmen, who were both obviously trying not to stare at the kid's back.

_Right_. That was going to be hard for everyone to deal with. Especially Jimmy. But that kind of thing was hard to see.

He wondered about giving the kid a shirt.

Pike didn't want to make the situation worse. It would stop the staring, but ….

Pike hadn't really had time to examine the welts and cuts up close but Pike was willing to bet they were infected. And he didn't want the shirt to stick to the lacerations or make them worse somehow.

But he wanted to safeguard Jimmy's dignity as well.

Pike decided to just ask the kid. He pulled away from his two crewmen, and drew into an alcove. After checking to make sure the floor was relatively clean, he set the boy down. "Jimmy, do you want a shirt?" Pike asked it softly, not wanting to be overheard.

Jimmy stared back at him, the vast blue eyes expressionless. No emotion showed on the boy's face.

Pike cursed himself for even bringing it up. He hated seeing that expression on the kid's face. Pike sighed.

Dammit. He was getting attached.

Jimmy stared at him a long time. The gaze was assessing, and methodical. This boy was used to weighing adults and finding them wanting. Pike could see it the too blue eyes.

Finally, after what felt like lifetimes or decades, Jimmy nodded.

Pike nodded back. "Ok." He stripped off his outer gold shirt. It was going to fit the kid like a circus tent. But it would provide the boy with some privacy as well. Pike handed it over. "Here."

Jimmy stared at him a few moments longer. Those eyes were older than George's ever had been. Pike fought not to shake his head in disgust.

If he ever got his hands on Kodos…. Someone was going to pay.

Pike pushed the thought away.

He held Jimmy's gaze, letting the kid look as long as liked. He wouldn't trust people if he were in the kid's situation, that was for sure. Pike just hoped that Jimmy found whatever it was that he was looking for.

Evidently, he must have, because after a few long moments, the boy put on the gold sweater. It fell well past Jimmy's hips; the sleeves covered the kid's hands.

Pike smiled. "Suits you. You look good in gold. Better than I do, at least."

Jimmy gave him a half smile, that didn't really reach his eyes. But still better than nothing, Pike supposed.

Better than nothing. It was rapidly becoming Pike's motto.

Pike noticed that Jimmy had not eaten any more of the bread than the original piece Pike had torn off. He wondered why. The kid had to be hungry. When he asked, the boy replied, "Saving it. Might need it later."

Pike closed his eyes. "Jimmy, I promise you there will be more food. You don't have to save that."

Jimmy's expression closed. "It's not for me."

Pike cocked his head to one side. "Then who are you saving it for?"

"Somebody else," he said, not meeting Pike's eyes. Jimmy's expression was hard and defiant when he looked at Pike. The thin shoulders were set, and prepared to spar. Pike could see that he wasn't going to get anything else out of the boy on this. The boy wasn't going to retreat a single inch.

Pike held up his hands. "Okay…okay." He said, softly. "I wasn't trying to push. It's just if you have friends or something, and you know where they are…. It's just…." Pike trailed off, not sure how to get his point across. "I'd like to help you…"

Pike didn't say "we're here to help" and he didn't say, "Starfleet is here to help," because he knew, and he didn't now how he knew, that Jimmy wouldn't respond to either of those statements.

Pike was pretty damn sure that Jimmy Kirk had learned not to trust the word of bureaucracies or organizations or even adults who were supposed to be caregivers.

Too many people had betrayed him for that.

But Pike was hoping that Jimmy Kirk might come to trust Christopher Pike.

So all he said was, "Let me help. Please," looking deep into the familiar, yet foreign sapphire eyes.

Jimmy searched his gaze again, and if Pike thought that the child's gaze had been assessing before, well, none of those looks began to compare to this one. This was the not the gaze of a child. It was the gaze of a leader, a champion, of someone who knew that the lives of others depended upon his choices. Pike had seen that look from others himself, had in fact given it to others on occasion, but never before had Pike endured it with so much intensity behind it. There were depths upon depths to this kid. Pike tried very hard not to be awestruck.

He wondered, not for the first time, about what this child had endured. Where had he learned such a sense of responsibility?

A long while later, Jimmy nodded.

Pike dropped his head as he sighed in relief. "Okay. Okay. Thanks."

Jimmy nodded. "You'll have to come with me. They won't trust you." Ten words. It was the longest phrase the boy had uttered. Pike could tell the boy still didn't entirely trust him. Pike didn't fault the kid for that.

"Just tell me what to do," he said.

Jimmy nodded again. "I'll take you."

* * *

So had the day from hell. I think I'm writing this story to deal with the stress of listening to too many stories about abuse. It's kind of cathartic. The chapters will remain small, which makes it easier to write them, and therefore I can write them quicker.

Please review.


	4. Chapter 4

**Standard Disclaimer applies.**

**Warnings…just like before. Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later.

* * *

Pike wondered if he should put Jimmy down and let him walk. It would probably make things easier. But the boy did not have shoes. Pike didn't want Jimmy to be any more hurt than he already was.

And Pike didn't want to put him down.

Pike wanted to keep him safe. And if he had to use his own body as a shield, so be it.

Pike cursed himself for getting emotionally involved.

Things like this always happened.

And now here he was, in the middle of nowhere, a boy on his back, not sure what he was walking into.

Pike had reported to his captain. He had met with his security team, and through it all, Jimmy had remained quiet in the background. The boy had to be exhausted, but he stayed alert, just watching, observing the processes.

They had as yet found no other survivors in the compound.

Pike had the presence of mind to wonder if he ought to have sent the boy away for the planning processes. But Jimmy probably wouldn't have gone. And Pike also knew that there was no one else for whom Jimmy was going to reveal his secret. Pike was pretty sure that if he took someone from security, Jimmy would lead them on a wild goose chase.

Pike was a pretty good judge of character. This boy wasn't going to lead him into a trap.

Pike hoped the boy would lead him to more survivors. If anyone on this god-forsaken planet could do that, it would be Jimmy Kirk.

Captain Moritari had been difficult to convince, but in the end, he'd given his blessing, which was how Pike had ended up here, stuck in the middle of the woods, with a twelve year old boy who was clearly better at orienteering than he was.

And Pike was damn good.

But he was better in the desert. Trees always started to look the same to him after a while. Now cacti, those you could count on. They looked unique.

They were against a cliff wall, surrounded by forest. They had stopped in a grove of trees that looked vaguely similar to every other grove of threes that Pike had witnessed.

Pike _hated_ this planet.

Jimmy had started making a strange whistling noises. Pike was about to ask him about it, when Jimmy put a hand to his lips. He shook his head. Okay, so the boy did not want him to speak. Then Pike realized: Jimmy was calling to someone.

There was a sound of moving, scraping rock. A fissure which Pike had not even noticed in the cliff wall grew wider and eventually revealed an opening about half the size of a man.

Of course. A cave.

Pike gently lowered Jimmy to the ground. He moved a step toward the cave, but Jimmy's pressure on his hand drew him back. He'd agreed to let the boy lead, after all. But Jimmy stayed still beside the cave, just waiting.

Jimmy tugged nervously at the golden shirt, half-turning to make sure that it covered his entire back. Whoever it was that Jimmy was meeting, the kid didn't want the others to know about his torture. Interesting. "Oh, um," said the kid, "Don't call me Jimmy in there, ok?"

Pike's eyes widened in shock. Curiouser and curiouser.

He nodded, whatever Jimmy was up to, he would help the kid if he could. And if the kid didn't want to be called Jimmy, then he wouldn't be. But the boy had introduced himself as Jimmy. Pike decided to leave it alone for now.

Jimmy tugged again on the tunic and straightened his shoulders. The boy took a deep breath.

Even as Pike watched, Jimmy shed the mantle of blank-eyed pain and exhaustion that he'd been wearing since Pike had seen him. The eyes grew animated, and the hollow expression morphed into one of strength and determination. Where the child had looked exhausted, now he looked energetic. Where he had seemed stooped and broken, now he stood tall and confident. But most of all, where there had been a child, there was now a leader. The entire transformation had taken only seconds.

It was a feat of acting unparalled in Pike's experience.

If he had not known that the child before him was the same one from the cell, then Pike would not have recognized him.

A brown haired boy, maybe Jimmy's age or perhaps a little younger, emerged from the cave. "JT," he cried. "We thought you were a goner! Matt said he thought he saw them catch you but he wasn't sure if you got away or not. "

Jimmy moved forward quickly, catching the other boy in a hug. "Nah, Josh, it's ok. I'm ok. I got some bread for everybody."

Pike started. Who was everybody?

He soon found out. Drawn by the sentinel's shout, a group of kids poured from the fissure in the wall, each and every one of the exclaiming in delight at the site of their friend.

No. That wasn't quite right. Jimmy wasn't their friend.

_He was their leader_.

Pike could see it on the faces of the other kids. They trusted Jimmy, JT, whatever they called him. They revered him. And they idolized him. The other kids had been certain he was dead, or as good as. Pike could see how diligently Jimmy must have cared for the group in the expressions of profound relief on their faces.

Pike could further see it in the way they didn't scramble for the bread. Just for JT. They all wanted to be near him, to touch him, to reassure themselves that he was still alive.

God, there had to be like, thirty of them. They just kept pouring out of the cave.

Had _Jimmy_ kept them all alive for this long? The famine was into its ninth month. Six months in, Kodos had issued his execution orders for half the colony. Had these thirty been among those selected?

They had to be. Or they wouldn't be hiding.

Pike stayed at the edges of the group, not wanting to interrupt what was so obviously a private reunion. He could that the kids were malnourished but none of them looked as thin as Jimmy did. He wondered if that had happened because Jimmy never ate his share or if that was a result of his time in Kodo's dungeon.

Jimmy had kept thirty kids alive in hiding for six months.

Damn.

Pike realized he had zoned out as he heard Jimmy call his name, expectantly, "Chris."

Jimmy spoke. "Guys, this is Lieutenant Pike. He's with Starfleet. They're here to help us."

Pike waved at them awkwardly. What was he supposed to say in this situation?

Most of the children just looked at him. They huddled around Jimmy, not coming forward. "Oh for the love of Pete, guys…" Jimmy sounded exasperated. The boy walked forward and took Pike's hand. "I told you, he's alright."

Several of the children had moved forward with Jimmy, probably not wanting to allow himout of their sight again, and those that had, examined Pike cautiously. Then all at once a young girl, maybe six or so, grabbed him Pike by the knees and started crying. And then they were all hugging him, some were crying and some were laughing and all of them were hugging Jimmy and somehow both of them ended up laying the grass under a dogpile of kids that were too grateful and too emotional for words.

It must seem so much better to them. Starfleet had arrived. JT was safe. The worst of their ordeal was over. And while some of them probably knew that it wouldn't be better right away, they at least could know it wouldn't be worse.

Even Pike laughed in relief. But he might not have, if he had known what was coming.

* * *

Please Review.

**AN**: I have not neglected my other fics, I promise. There will be other updates on both Symptoms and No-win this week. But frankly…this (Haven) is something I need to do. I guess I hadn't realized how much some my issues were bothering me until I started writing them. Pike's empathy with torture is drawn from real life experience. The exact examples are fiction, for those of you that asked me about it.

**Kate ( )…**I wish you'd get an account so I can tell you how much your reviews mean to me. Just understand that your words mean the world to me, and I'm grateful for all your messages.


	5. Chapter 5

**Standard Disclaimer applies.**

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later.

* * *

When Pike reported in, Moritari had sent a full team of security men and a full medical team down to help in caring for the kids. Jimmy was steadfastly demanding not to receive treatment until all his kids had been cared for.

A decision had not yet been reached about what to do with them.

Aside from the thirty odd children Jimmy had saved, there were some 4,000 colonists remaining that Kodos had deemed worthy of life. Starfleet couldn't leave any of them here, there wasn't any food. And two ships, helpful as they were, could not transport that many colonists to a new home.

Plus, Starfleet was going to have to do an investigation into what had happened here. No one knew who Kodos had been before the revolution. And if the Federation couldn't find him, then they couldn't hold him accountable for his crimes. All the people that had seen him were dead.

Why had no one stopped this? Why was Jimmy Kirk the closest thing they'd found to a dissident leader? It suddenly occurred to Pike that that could be the reason Jimmy had been in the prison cell.

So there was going to be bureaucracy. Pike hated bureaucracy.

It took a long time. It was estimated that the _Constellation_ might be here for up to six solar months. Ugh.

But on the plus side, he'd get to spend more time with Jimmy. Pike had found himself drawn to the kid. He just liked him.

Pike kicked himself._ Chris, he isn't yours. _

He really needed to find out what had happened to Winona. Where was she?

Pike had been off duty for about an hour, but he had not yet beamed back to the ship. He was reluctant to go until he knew that Jimmy was receiving proper treatment. Although Pike was pretty sure that a med-pac would not be able to do much for Jimmy. They were going to have to treat the kid on the ship. And he was sure that Jimmy wouldn't like that. He wasn't going to want to be separated from the other kids.

Pike couldn't help but notice that none of the kids called Kirk Jimmy. Every single one of them called him JT. Pike was still curious about that. Maybe he'd ask when he got the kid alone. He wondered if maybe the boy thought that Jimmy sounded too vulnerable; too young. Jimmy was a boy's name; JT could have been a man's. Maybe that was it. Jimmy didn't want to show any weakness or vulnerability in front of his charges.

Pike understood that concept. If one was going to lead, there could be no crack in the façade.

The only kid who didn't call the boy JT was a tiny blond boy. Jimmy had introduced him to Pike as Kevin. He'd run to Jimmy had clung to him, weeping. Jimmy had picked him up, and hadn't put hid down since they'd arrived at the cave.

How strange that the boy he'd carried not an hour ago was now carrying someone else. And Kevin looked like he also had a hell of a grip on him. That could not have been easy on Jimmy's back. Pike winced just watching the two of them.

He had volunteered to relieve Kirk of his burden, but Jimmy had just waved him off. Evidently, this was pain his was willing to shoulder. Kevin had apparently seen his whole family die before Jimmy had saved him.

No wonder they worshipped him. Pike didn't blame them. It was kind of catching.

Pike slapped himself mentally. He'd already attached far too much to this kid, and it hadn't even been a day.

As Pike watched, one of the nurses was able to bribe Kevin off of Jimmy with a promise of peach pie and a teddy bear.

_Good decision, Kevin. _

Most people would have done almost anything for her pie.

Pike corralled Jimmy before someone else could grab him. The kid was in desperate need of rest. And the other kids were in good hands.

"Hey Chris." Pike could see the exhaustion clearly on the boy's face.

"JT," Pike acknowledged.

Jimmy nodded gratefully," Yes, sir?" The look was speculative, curious.

"I'd like to let a doctor check you out." He held up a hand to forestall the protests that he knew would be forthcoming. "It doesn't have to be here, kid. I'd like to take to you back to the ship. None of your kids would see. And they'll be safe with my people."

Kirk stared back at him, thinking it over. Jimmy looked back at the group of kids and the Starfleet crewmen. Some of the children were subdued and withdrawn. But all of them were eating. A couple of the braver ones were engaged in a game of freeze tag with one of the Ensigns from security. Pike made a mental note to give that man a commendation.

Jimmy sighed then. "Okay. But, I gotta get something first. And I have to tell a couple of them that I'm going. The older ones'll watch the younger ones."

Pike nodded, "Take all the time you need."

_Let someone else take the conn a little while, kid._

_

* * *

  
_

Jimmy came back a few minutes later.

"Did you get what you needed?" Pike asked.

Jimmy shook his head. "It isn't here. It's about a half mile. Should be safe."

Pike nodded. "You sure?"

Jimmy nodded, solemnly.

Pike debated grabbing one of the guys from security, but in the end decided against it. They had their hands full with just the kids.

Pike gestured outward, "Lay on, MacDuff."

"_Macbeth_, Act 5, Scene Eight," said Jimmy.

Any other child would have smirked at the look of astonishment on Pike's face. Maybe before all this shit when down Jimmy would have smirked as well. But the boy was solemn and blank faced again.

Pike hated that look. He sought to distract the kid from whatever dark thoughts the boy was lost in. "So where we going?" Pike wasn't sure why, but he felt like he needed to keep his voice quiet.

"Cabin." Jimmy grunted. "A bunch of us used to live there. Before."

Pike waited but evidently nothing else was going to be forth coming.

"You haven't been back?" he was just curious.

"No. Couldn't risk it. Not with all the kids. But I need to do this." Pike understood, if Jimmy was killed or captured then the kids would be on their own.

The sun was setting as they reached the cabin. It was in a clearing overlooking a lake. The fading light caught the water reflecting the hundred myriad glowing colors of the crimson-purpled sky. Pike's breath caught in his throat. Once upon a time, this place must have been a paradise.

Jimmy had been watching him. "Yeah, it has that affect on me, too."

Pike nodded, breathless. How could something so terrible happen somewhere so beautiful?

Jimmy smiled at him. It was the first real smile he'd seen on the kid's face. "Glad you like it." He looked so much like George when he smiled.

But Pike could see Winona in him as well.

"Can you just wait here a second? I just have to get something. I won't be long." Jimmy's eyes were pleading.

Pike was loath to allow the boy to leave his sight, but against his better judgment, he acquiesced. Sometimes you needed to do things on your own. Maybe that was what Jimmy needed now.

"Take your time." Pike settled himself on the grass about twenty feet from the cabin to wait.

A few minutes later, Pike thought he head a scuffle from the direction of the cabin, but he wasn't sure. He checked the time. It had been ten minutes. Jimmy should've been out by now. He pulled his phaser out and inched toward the cabin. Better to err on the side of caution, after all.

He had a bad feeling about this. And he _always _trusted his intuition.

The cabin door was partly open. Pike could hear voices. Adult, male voices. Fuck.

Pike's heart was in his throat. He inched slowly, gradually onto the porch, praying the steps wouldn't squeak and something could go right today.

It did. They didn't squeak.

Pike tried to keep his sigh of relief internal.

He paused at the door, trying to assess the situation. Snatches of the conversation floated out to him. Someone was speaking. …knew you'd come back here. The governor was right. He said you were sentimental and would want that stuff of your mom's."…

Pike could not believe his ears. Jimmy had _seen_ Kodos. No. Jimmy _knew_ Kodos.

Pike shook himself back to awareness as the voice continued. "…why you allied yourself with those stupid fucking kids...damn fool thing to do…"

There was a thud from inside, the sound of flesh hitting flesh, followed by a groan. The groan had been too high pitched to be an adult.

Damm.

Pike inched forward. He needed to see what was going on in there. He risked getting closer to the door.

The failing light threw shadows over the people in the room, but Pike could make out three men in there with Jimmy. Two of them had the boy by the arms and the third was leaning against the wall not far away, expounding at length on whatever it was he was talking about. It was pretty obvious that one of them had just hit Jimmy in the ribs from the way the boy was panting. The kid's head was down, as though he longer had the strength to lift it.

The third man was still talking. "Don't know what Kodos sees in your sorry ass. I'd have killed you as soon as I could have. Stupid fucking traitor. " He hit Jimmy again.

Pike couldn't risk calling for help on his communicator. The guards would hear him. They might hurt Jimmy more. Pike wouldn't risk it.

So he was stuck here, listening, until he could do something to help the boy.

"I know he's here, because you are wearing his shirt, dumbass. Genius, my ass." The speaker spat in Jimmy's face and punched him again. Pike's vision went red.

"Now for the last time, WHERE IS THE FLEETER?" The scream was punctuated with a kick. Pike heard a snap as it connected, and Jimmy fell. They hauled the kid to his feet.

They were asking about _him_, Pike realized. Jimmy was protecting him. Jimmy was getting hurt protecting him.

Pike couldn't have that.

He stepped forward. "He's right behind you." He said, firing his phaser at the leader. Pike only regretted that it was set to stun.

He got one of the men holding Jimmy before the other one yanked the child forward, using the boy as a shield.

Pike circled slowly to the left, not looking at Jimmy, but keeping his eyes on his remaining opponent. The other man's eyes found something just above Pike's left shoulder, just as Jimmy screamed "Behind you," and Pike wheeled as he felt a knife slip past his shirt. Pike's spin made the cut worse; the blade caught against his ribs and sliced through his skin as he spun.

Fuck. It hurt.

Pike cracked his elbow against the attacker's head, and the other man's eyes glaze. Pike fired his phaser and the man dropped like a shot. Three down.

That just left the one with Jimmy.

Pike wheeled back.

The man had an arm around Jimmy's throat, with some sort of weapon to the boy's head. It looked to be an old style projectile weapon. Pike hated those. There was no point to them anymore. They were so messy. There was possibility of stunning a person. Either you shot to kill or to wound. Guns were just…unnecessary.

If it was possible, the boy's coloring was even greyer now than it had been when Pike had first seen him. He looked about to pass out. Pike figured it might be a mercy if he did.

The guard's hands didn't shake as he held the gun to Jimmy's head. Not a good sign. Either the guard was very good with the weapon, or he had killed before with it. Possibly both.

Pike cursed.

His own was nothing, but he couldn't risk the kid. Aside from being the son of his best friend, Jimmy had seen Kodos. Could identify Kodos. That meant his was the most valuable life on the planet right now.

Pike lowered his phaser.

* * *

Sorry, but this one was getting long. You'll have an update either later tonight or early tomorrow morning.

Please Review. They are the reason I keep writing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Standard Disclaimer applies.**

**Warnings…just like before. Torture. Genocide. Abuse. Language.**... _**The abuse is new**_ to this chapter, and _**its explicit**_.

I tried not to be too graphic with it, but its there. This is a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later.

* * *

The guard leered at him. "Good. Now kick it over here."

Pike sighed and kicked the weapon over.

He needed to get control of this situation. Maybe if the guard leaned forward to pick up the phaser, Pike could rush him....

He couldn't let anything happen to Jimmy.

No matter what happened to him.

Chris Pike was going to protect Jim Kirk with his life.

Unfortunately, the guard wasn't as stupid as Pike wanted him to be.

Training the old fashioned weapon on Pike, the guard pushed Jimmy forward. "Go get his phaser."

Jimmy moved a few steps forward, his movements halting and uneven. The steps were shaky and unbalanced. Pike's heart clenched. The kid could barely stand. He looked ready to collapse. He'd gotten even grayer in the three steps he'd taken.

The boy bent to pick up the weapon, and promptly keeled over. He lay on the floor, unmoving.

Pike started forward.

The gun came up, and the guard cocked the weapon.

Pike stopped, cursing.

He was powerless. He was helpless. He hated the feeling.

He spread his hands. "Look, I'm not a threat. I have no weapon. I just want to check on him."

More than anyhting, Pike wanted to beat the shit out of something. It wasn't the first time today.

But it was most intense this time.

"I don't fucking care if the little bastard dies!" screamed the guard. He kicked Jimmy viciously in the ribs. The impact rocked the boy's body, rolling him over. Jimmy came to rest under one of the bunk-beds. He was deathly still.

Pike's heart stopped.

_The kid couldn't be dead. He couldn't._

Pike took a step toward the kid. And the gun barrel came up.

"I don't care. You want to shoot me, you go ahead." Pike said. He wondered if he could get to his communicator before the guard fired. He couldn't afford to wait much longer. The other three would be awake soon.

Jimmy was frighteningly still.

If he was going to do something, Pike needed to do it now.

Using all his resolve, Pike pushed the thought of Jimmy away. He would need all his wits for this. He had to get the guard to look at Jimmy.

"Look, let me just look him over." Pike pressed. "He's not moving."

The guard turned his head to check on Jimmy, and Pike saw his chance. He ran two steps forward and launched himself at the guard. They went down together and Pike heard the gun go off. They grappled together on the ground for a second, but Pike was quicker. He got off a right hook to the side of the guard's head and he ended up on top in the fight. The guard dropped the weapon. Pike didn't bother going for it.

Pike wrapped his hands around the other man's neck and slammed the guard's head against the floor. He kept doing it until the guard stopped moving.

Pike thought he might have killed the man. He couldn't have cared less.

He slumped off the guard's body, and onto the floor.

His side burned. Shit. Had he been shot?

He hadn't felt it. Pike looked down. His shirt front was drenched in blood.

Shit.

_Jimmy_.

Fuck. For a moment, Pike had allowed his rage and pain to get so much the better of him that he'd forgotten his young charge. Adrenaline surged again, and Pike ran to the boy.

Jimmy wasn't breathing. Pike started rescue breathing for him, as his fingers sough the boy's neck. Jimmy's pulse existed, but it was the faintest one Pike had ever felt.

Pike was feeling lightheaded but he shook it away. He didn't have time to deal with himself now.

He pulled out his communicator, and yelled for an emergency beam up. Somehow he had the presence of mind to tell them that there were two injured in the party.

Pike pulled Jimmy into his lap and he continued breathing for the boy until he felt the energy swirls dissolve him into particles.

* * *

They materialized on the transporter platform with Jimmy still in Pike's lap. Pike continued breathing as the med team ran up to them.

One of the medics pulled out a tri-corder and quickly scanned the boy. "Not breathing, no pulse." he shouted.

_No pulse. _

Oh god. oh god. oh god.

One of the medics tried to pull Jimmy out of Pike's hands, but he didn't want to let go.

"Sir, please, I need you to let him go." Someone was pulling on his arms.

Pike pulled himself back, and allowed the medics to get Jimmy on the waiting stretcher. One of them climbed onto it and straddled the boy. He started CPR. Pike was unprepared for hard it was to watch.

Jimmy was terribly pale.

But the kid was in good hands. In anyone could save him, it would be the doctors on this ship. Pike moved down the hall toward sickbay; he wanted to follow Jimmy.

He suddenly felt more exhausted than he had in his whole life. His mind reeled.

So did the room.

Pike stumbled and nearly fell. Another medic was instantly at his elbow.

"Are you alright, sir?"

"Just tired." He needed to see about Jimmy. "I need to stay with that kid."

"Okay, sir, just let me help you to sickbay."

The medic put an arm around his waist. Ordinarily Pike would have chaffed at the assistance, but the room was still spinning slightly. And his head was throbbing. He could tell his steps were unsteady. He allowed himself to lean on a little on the doctor, who tightened his grip.

But just as the grip tightened the doctor pulled away like he'd been burned, staring at the hand that had gripped Pike.

It was covered in blood.

_Oh._

Pike felt a little dizzy looking at it.

"Chris, how are you still standing?" the doctor asked, then he shouted for a stretcher.

"I'm fine." Pike responded. "Just have to see the kid."

He needed to know about Jimmy.

"We won't know for a little while yet just let us get you some help, too, Lieutenant. You can't help him if you aren't here to do it." The man had a point.

With that in mind, Pike allowed himself to be guided onto a stretcher; they would get to sickbay faster this way, anyway.

* * *

Please review.

Sorry about the Cliffie. Its a minor one though. I could have left you off a couple paragraphs up, you know.

I'm not a fan of them, but I was in a car accident and I have a blistering headache, and my energy just kinda ran out. They're be more soon, but it might not be tomorrow. I'm gonna go home for the weekend, so, yeah, maybe tomorrow, or maybe Monday?

I apologize, I know a lot of you are liking the snappy updates. They will continue as long as the muse does.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later.

* * *

Somehow, they made it to sickbay without further incident. That was saying something considering how today had gone.

Pike listened dispassionately to what they told him about himself.

Sucking chest wound….blood loss…Pike didn't care.

_What the hell was happening to Jimmy?_

Pike could hear it, but he couldn't see it.

It was the worst part of the mission so far. And that was saying a lot. But somehow he'd attached to the kid, and now he couldn't help him. He couldn't save him.

He couldn't even watch.

He banged his head on against the pillow in frustration. He needed to get off this bed. A hand was instantly on his chest, pushing him back.

"Lieutenant, you need to stay there." The tone was kind, but immovable.

"Jim…?" he croaked.

"We're working on him. Now if you just stay still and let your self get treated, we'll have more doctors available to look after the boy." Damn, they knew how to guilt trip a man.

Pike didn't have a problem with doctors, but he hated to useless, and bound up on a biobed was about as useless as a person could feel.

He hated it.

He was almost relieved when the doctor announced that he would have to be sedated to fix the projectile wound. Pike nodded and blessed the hypospray for the silence it granted him.

He woke to pain some hours later. The first thing he noticed after the pain was the quiet.

"Stay still. You're going to be here overnight at least, with the possibility of release in the morning." Doctor Adamson was kind, but mostly cautious man, so release in the morning meant that Pike was probably good to go.

He could push it, maybe, and get himself released early. Or he could stay and spend the night. But then if he stayed…maybe he could get news.

So he nodded, and did not protest the doctor's decision. "All right, doc. I'll stay."

But Pike doesn't care about resting. All he wants is information on whatever is happening to Jimmy.

After a long debate with himself, he decided to just ask.

The answer wasn't good.

The prognosis was not favorable.

Jimmy wasn't expected to live.

_Damn_.

Pike listened to the litany of the boy's injuries with much more diligence than he'd listened to his own.

_Extreme malnutrition…starvation…blood loss…multiple severe lacerations and avulsions to the back and spinal areas…nine broken ribs…lacerated liver…severe bruising of the kidneys…multiple spinal fractures…multiple skull fractures…punctured left lung…severe cardiac arrhythmia_….

Pike stopped listening. He'd enough first responder training to know that any one of those symptoms could be life threatening.

_Damn._

No wonder he wasn't expected to make it.

Pike liked the kid.

Well, you never knew. Maybe the kid would pull through. Jimmy seemed to have a strong spirit.

Sometimes that was all that mattered.

Pike thought about asking if he could be moved to where he could see the boy, but he figured that might make it worse on him if Jimmy didn't make it.

He wasn't sure he could risk becoming any more emotionally compromised than he already was.

_Damn._

They were keeping Jimmy in stasis for the time being, trying to build up his cellular regeneration, so there wasn't much point for Pike to wait around when he got released.

But still, he hesitated at the door, not entirely sure he could will himself to leave.

Part of the reason that Jimmy was in that condition had been his refusal to reveal Pike to the governor's men. At least some of the bruising and possible most of the broken ribs were his fault.

And Pike hated it.

With that thought in mind, he stalked out of the medical bay.

Pike prowled the corridors restlessly. He had no aim or destination in mind, he just wanted to move.

He felt like he had traversed the whole ship twice before he arrived at the observation deck. Normally he loved it here.

Pike loved to stare at the stars.

It reminded him of the desert. _Of home_. He wished he was back there.

But if wishes were fishes, there'd be no room in the river for water, he though. His mother had said that all the time.

She'd liked the stars as well.

Back in Mojave there was little light pollution. The area was still sparsely populated and as such there were few ambient lights. When you went outside on a clear night, you felt like you could touch the stars. Like you were one of them.

Pike loved the observation deck because he always felt safe here.

_But not today._

Today the damn planet was visible through the viewscreens and he never fucking wanted to see it again.

He stalked out and tried to make himself come to terms with how he felt about the kid.

Where the hell was his mother?

Pike had known George and Winona back at the Academy. Hell he and George had been best friends, roommates. He'd been the best man at their wedding.

And nothing in his experience could explain why in the name of God she wasn't here.

Maybe she was on assignment.

They'd kind of drifted apart after George had died. He had heard she'd married, Frank something or other, but still, she loved her son. Or at least, Pike had always thought she had.

So where was she?

Pike stalked back to his quarters and sent a couple of com requests. He even sent one to Win, just in case she was off world.

Maybe she didn't know.

Maybe Kodos had killed her.

It would explain Jimmy's sentimentality of her stuff, if that was what the guards had been talking about.

But her name, it wasn't on the kill list.

Pike would have remembered that.

Then again neither was Jimmy's. And he'd clearly not been one of the favored.

Pike hated mysteries.

He sent off a few more com requests, this time calling in some favors. He wanted to know about the boy's history, past, and all family ties.

He could always talk to one of the kids, or go back to the cabin.

Pike was going to find out what Jimmy Kirk was doing here if killed him.

* * *

Please read and review it.

Hopefully will have an update up tomorrow or the next day. Thanks for all the well wishes, I'm feeling better.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later. We're getting nearer the fluffy.

* * *

AN: Its plot exposition, it has to go somewhere.

* * *

Pike was halfway through the bottle of whiskey and nowhere near drunk enough. He was fully planning on drinking at least the second half more. The amber liquid was his only hope at the moment, and he was going to drown himself in it.

Whiskey was the only thing strong enough to burn away the day he'd had.

He needed the slow heady burn of it. He needed something to counteract the emotions that were running through him. Right now, he would have given anything to be a Vulcan.

Anything.

But then, Vulcans couldn't process alcohol.

So maybe not.

Jimmy was dying.

Pike poured another three fingers of whiskey and decided that ice was for wusses.

But there was no drowning it. There was no ignoring it.

And the things he'd learned today, he couldn't unlearn. No matter how much he'd wanted to.

And did he ever want to.

The answers to his messages were much worse than he'd expected.

Winona was dead. She had been for eight months or so. Jimmy must have known that. Damn, the boy had no one. No wonder he'd gone back for her stuff. It was all he had of her.

Pike had even commed the man that Winona had been married to. That had been a hell of a mistake. The message he'd received back was not fit to print. Apparently Winona had divorced the man over something to do with Jimmy, and Frank had made it very clear that if Pike sent the boy back to him, that he would either beat the living shit of him or leave him for dead. Frank didn't care which.

It didn't bode well for how Jimmy had been treated growing up.

But Win had left him apparently for Jimmy. That was good, right?

Pike didn't know any more.

He was stuck in the same circular arguments, going over and over everything. He felt like it was killing him.

Then again, maybe it was.

It was certainly killing his liver.

Pike laughed halfheartedly at his own little joke.

Jimmy had been sent to live with his mother's sister, and his cousins.

All of them were on the kill list.

Pike could guess what had happened there.

But Jimmy wasn't. It still made no sense to Pike. But the man in the cabin had called Jimmy a traitor, so maybe the kid was never meant to die?

It's not like that showed in the kid's current condition.

Damn them all.

Pike hated mysteries. A lot. So he'd hacked his way into the Tarsus IV mainframe with help from one of the science engineers on the lower deck.

And then it all got more interesting.

Pike could have done with some boring information just then.

Jimmy Kirk had been the star pupil at the Tarsus academy. The boy was apparently a certifiable genius. Pike guessed that that made sense, given everything he'd noticed about the kid already. The report indicated that Jimmy was fluent in four languages, with a conversational grasp of several others. The kid was fucking twelve. It also indicated that the boy loved chess and had excelled to a level where none of the teachers could beat him at it. And Pike had observed the boy's love of Shakespeare. It was unusual for a kid Jimmy's age to like something so ….old-fashioned.

The kid had also reportedly been an annoying brat. That also made sense to Pike. He knew how smart kids got when they were bored.

Pike remembered it well.

But then someone had gotten Jimmy involved in teaching the younger kids, and he'd just….blossomed. The boy had a natural aptitude for teaching. He'd loved it, and the kids had, by all accounts, loved him. And had loved them back.

Pike wondered how many of them Jimmy had saved.

The kids…that was another of Pike's problems.

JT had not been restored to them, and they were asking about him constantly. One of the younger officers had taken it upon himself to inform them that JT was being kept for tests, while somehow managing not to convey any information about the kid's condition. Pike was worried about the revolt they were going to have when the kids found out. Because it really wasn't a matter of if, anymore. It was a matter of when.

Pike thought he probably ought to tell them, as Jimmy had introduced him to them as someone they could trust.

The thought of that one task alone had Pike taking another shot.

God, Winona was dead.

Pike didn't know if he could deal with that.

Her grey eyes haunted him. And now all that remained of her was Jimmy. Her other son with George had died in childbirth.

There was no one left for Jimmy. The kid had no one.

No one at all.

There was no other next of kin.

If the boy was lucky he'd get sent to an orphanage for Starfleet dependents.

Oh yeah, great future that.

Jimmy knew Kodos. Kodos knew it. Therefore Jimmy was a liability to him. Sooner or later, someone would be sent to finish off the kid.

And orphanages were notoriously unsecure.

So Jimmy's life was in danger.

So Pike was stuck in his circular logical pattern. He slid off his desk and sat on the floor beside his bed.

No one for Jimmy.

Pike hated that.

But an idea was itching at the edges of his mind, and Pike wasn't sure he liked where it was going.

He was used to things a certain way.

Used to being a single man, with few responsibilities to others.

But if he allowed himself to think about what he was most assuredly not thinking about, then that might not be the case.

He decided to forgo the glass, and starting drinking straight from the bottle.

He took a gulp and relished the long slow burn. It took his breath away. For a second it took his thoughts away.

But only for a second.

No one for Jimmy.

Pike wasn't sure he could do it. Alone, single, he could make any choice he wanted. But when someone depended on you…you lost that right.

No one for Jimmy.

Dammit. He was in deep.

Pike thought it was very likely that he was trying to deny a choice he'd already made.

But he wasn't sure.

Or maybe the whiskey wasn't sure.

He just didn't know any more.

He just didn't know.

At some point reason found him, and he crawled into bed, still fully clothed to ponder the questions he was not prepared to answer.

And despite his mental turmoil, he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * *

Hmmm….I see to enjoy making people go to sleep. Maybe I'm trying to tell myself something.

For those of you that asked…Jimmy's catalog of injuries is taken from a real life example. Sorry.

Please review.

* * *

Quotes: "Why are you telling me this?" "It's plot exposition, it has to go somewhere." -Miss Piggy and Lady Holliday, _The Great Muppet Caper_.

"Alone, you can make any choice you want. But when someone loves you, you lose that right." -Alice Paul, _Iron Jawed Angels_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later. We're getting nearer the fluffy.

* * *

Pike woke in pain.

Someone was banging on his head with a hammer. At least it felt like it. His face was stuck to the whiskey bottle.

_Oh. Right._

Well, he had enjoyed about ten Jim Kirk free seconds.

And then he'd woken up.

_Hung over. Ugh._

Pike stumbled to the bathroom to wash his face. He grimaced as he caught his expression in the mirror. He looked like hell.

There were dark circles under both of his eyes, and he had a day's worth of stubble on his chin. The uniform he'd slept in looked like it was wrinkled beyond repair. His crew would be shocked to see him like this.

Hell, _anyone_ would be shocked to see him like this.

Christopher Pike was always perfect, pristine, and unflappable. He was never late, never unprepared, never wrinkled, never _affected_. It was something that both impressed and annoyed both his crew and his superiors.

But Pike had never minded pissing people off.

Looking at himself, he decided that there was no way a simple face wash was going to cut it this morning. He dragged himself into the shower and turned the water on as hot as it could go. Then he cursed and remembered that there were more people on the crew than just humans, and adjusted the dial back to a more neutral setting.

He grabbed the soap and allowed his thoughts to wander.

If Jimmy Kirk lived, he'd have no place to go.

It was a big _if_.

Jimmy had so many injuries that there was no way anyone could really expect him to make it. Adding to the litany of complaints Pike had heard the day before, was the fact that Jimmy's back was now infected, and the boy had borderline septicemia, along with a high grade fever.

It had been five days since Pike had brought Jimmy back to the ship with him, the boy nearly dead in his arms as Pike worked fervently to force the kid's lungs to breathe. The more superficial of the injuries had been healed already. Adamson had worked some magic on the boy's skin and musculoskeletal system. Jimmy didn't look as much of a mess now as he had when Pike had met him.

_But he wasn't getting better. _

It was like the kid's immunity and regeneration systems had just given up. Like they'd quit and dies. His heartbeat was still chaotic; his brain wave patterns were frighteningly erratic. The kid was still in renal failure.

It was like the boy's body had just…had enough.

_Had enough._

Pike thought it sounded about right.

He wasn't sure that he could have live through everything that had happened to Jimmy.

No wonder his eyes always looked old. The boy had probably aged ten years in ten seconds when he decided to help those other kids.

Pike wondered about how strong the kid must have been to have survived all this. It indicated that Jimmy was strong, so he might make it. On the other hand, some people survived long enough to hand off their burdens and then they collapsed once they knew that everyone else was safe.

You didn't often get those people back, Pike knew.

Dammit.

He had already lost George and Winona. He was not prepared to lose their son as well.

Pike dimly wondered what exactly Jimmy had been going after when he went back to the cabin. Surely, Jimmy must have known it was a huge risk. So obviously it was something tremendously important to the kid.

He wondered if having it would help Jimmy to heal at all.

Maybe he'd go and get it.

The other kids could probably help him out with that.

He had to shake himself as an image of Jimmy unconscious presented itself in his head. Grey skinned, face down, the welts on his back clearly visible as he lay, face down and motionless on the cabin floor.

The doctor had told him the back would scar. There was some evidence that Jimmy had been whipped more than once, and there were older scars present. The new marks had been dirty and infected, and there was only so much a dermal regenerator could do.

Pike saw again the picture of the unconscious boy and the criss-crossing marks upon his back.

Dammit.

He should have done something different. He should have stunned the bastard. It would have risked hitting Jimmy though.

And sometimes when people were frail in health and stunned at close range, they never woke up.

But truth to tell, Pike hadn't really been thinking at the time.

Pike slapped the water off in disgust. He should have been faster to realize there was something wrong.

He pulled a towel from the wrack only to hiss as it touched his skin.

He'd scrubbed himself raw in places, he'd been so distracted.

_Wow._

The kid was weighing on his mind more than he'd thought.

Pike rubbed a hand over his weary eyes. He ought to go back to sleep. But the one thing Pike really wanted was a hangover hypo. Well, if he went down to sickbay, he could check on Jimmy.

The decision made, he pulled on a fresh uniform and left his quarters.

* * *

Sickbay was unchanged.

Everything about sickbay was unchanged.

Everyone in sickbay was unchanged.

_Damn_.

The report from Dr. Adamson indicated that the medical staff was going to attempt to rebuild Jimmy's heart, lungs, liver and kidneys on a cellular level to see if they could be encouraged to perform their respective functions. The boy would be kept in stasis until such time as his organs could be replaced, and then …well, they would see.

Unfortunately, the exhaustion, dehydration, malnutrition and starvation were not things that could be cured artificially. Only time could help those.

It sucked for those that cared about the kid.

Of which, there weren't many left.

_Just him. And the kids_.

But on that note, Pike had things to do.

He reluctantly pulled himself away from Jimmy's bed, resisting the urge to pet the kid's hair.

_Where the hell had that feeling come from_?

Pike wasn't a tactile guy.

Oh this was just getting better and better.

It had been decided at yesterday's staff meeting that Jimmy's kids (JT's kids, Pike corrected himself), were going to have to be kept separate from the colonists which Kodos had chosen to live. The kids were extremely hostile to the colonists, and frankly, the colonists were hostile to the kids.

Not like they had any right to be.

Pike mentally slapped himself.

_You aren't supposed to take sides, Chris_.

JT's kids were going to be beamed aboard the _Constellation_ for the duration of the ship's stay at the planet. Arrangements were being made for quarters and supervision of the children. Pike personally thought it would be good for the medical staff to keep a close eye on how well the children were coping, as well as how well they were eating.

But the coping thing was going to present a problem when they discovered their leader in sickbay.

The whole command team had debated that particular issue.

Many of the officers thought the boy should just be transferred back down to the planet.

Adamson was absolutely unwilling to allow Jimmy to be moved to another ship or facility. Pike had been pleased by the steadfast resolution in the normally passive doctor. But the kid's condition was too perilous for any kind of travel, even by transporter.

They still had the problem of having not found Kodos. They were no closer to finding out who the man had been before the revolution, or if he still lived.

Against his better judgment, Pike had told the captain about Jimmy knowing Kodo's identity. He hadn't wanted to reveal that secret, but he was of the opinion that it might help Captain Moritari in his decision to keep the boy on the ship.

Ben Moritari was a good man. He'd understood immediately, and made the decision that Jimmy would stay on the _Constellation_, though he would be kept in isolation. Then Moritari had asked Pike not to inform anyone else of Jimmy's knowledge until he could confer with Command. Pike had agreed without hesitation.

Keeping Jim Kirk safe had already become second nature.

Moritari had given him an interesting look and commented that it was shame Jimmy no where to go if he recovered.

Pike had given an assessing grunt, but had made no further reply.

He wondered if his CO knew what he'd been contemplating.

Pike sighed.

The meeting adjourned with the fact that someone had to tell the kids what was going on. For some reason that he couldn't presently remember, Pike had volunteered to do that. Maybe because he felt like Jimmy had entrusted those kids to him, and so Pike now felt like it was his responsibility to care for them.

He was pretty sure that most of them would be ok with living aboard a starship for a while. He wasn't sure how any of them were going to take the news that JT was the in hospital and could not have visitors.

So after breakfast, Pike steeled himself and beamed down.

* * *

Please read and review.

I've been having internet problems, sorry about the slower updates.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later. We're getting nearer the fluffy.

Actually, there is _some_ fluff present in this chapter. Thought you could use a break from the angst. I know I needed one.

* * *

Pike materialized several meters from the edge of the group. He strode toward them, picking his way carefully.

He was immediately spotted by the young blond haired girl that had grabbed him about the knees the day before. She cried out his name and ran to him. Pike scoped her into his arms and settled her gently against his chest.

"Hey," he said. He thought briefly about calling her 'Princess,' but let it go. It didn't seem natural. But she reminded him of one. Or of a girl who had one time dreamed of being one. She had to be nearly as young as Kevin, a six year older at most.

She kissed his cheek.

Pike froze at that. He wasn't used to showing emotion. And he hadn't had much experience with kids. But she seemed to like him.

She was gazing at him, expectantly.

He smiled at her.

And then she beamed and threw her arms around him.

And all it had taken was a smile.

Maybe he could handle this after all.

* * *

Somehow he had gotten them all to sit down. Shit. This was going to be hard.

"We need to talk about JT," he said. That got their attention instantly. "You many not know, but he's sick." Now he had their undivided attention. Even the younger ones were listening with wide eyes. Pike continued, "That time, Matt thought he saw Kodos' men catch JT, he was right. He got beat up pretty bad then, and then he got beat up again after, trying to visit his cabin, with me. That was my fault. I should have been better prepared, but he told me it would be safe and I figured he would know. But he got hurt again. And now he's sick."

Pike had said the whole thing much faster than he had intended. It was affecting him more than he had expected or wanted.

The kids were quiet, mostly studying the ground. His announcement hadn't caused the mass outbreak of muttering that he had expected. In fact, none of them were looking at each other.

Finally, the little one, Kevin, asked the question that had to be on all their minds, "Will he be okay?"

And for the first time in over a decade, Pike, who had devoted his life to honest dealings, wanted to lie.

"I don't know," he said. "He's very sick."

The large brown eyes blinked at him before the child nodded. "But he might get better."

Pike sighed. It was possible. "It's possible," he said. He didn't add that it was unlikely.

Kevin nodded, and then with the stubbornness of a six year old, added, "Then he'll get better."

And just like that, most of the kids agreed and their dark mood seemed to lift. God what had Jimmy done for these kids that they believed he was capable of anything?

The group was suddenly an energetic ball of questions. When could they see JT? Could they play games with him? Could they take him anything? Did he have lots of blankets?

Pike answered, keeping his replies as general and non-committed as he could. He didn't want to destroy their hope, but Jimmy's chances were small. Before long, the group began to set about finding and listing small ways to make Jimmy better with a diligence that would have done any Starfleet captain proud, had they been his crew.

For a moment, Pike could not help but beam at them in pride. He couldn't wait to tell Jimmy. And exactly when, Pike wondered to himself, had he begun assuming that he would have a chance to tell Jimmy.

He should be maintaining his stoicism and keeping his distance, not cheering along.

_Oh fuck it. _

If he was going to hold onto hope that Jimmy recovered along with the rest of the kids, then he might as well go all in. He could afford to be optimistic for once in his life.

"Lieutenant Pike, Lieutenant Pike," one of the older boys was tugging at his sleeve, the same boy that had been standing sentry the day when Jimmy had brought him here. What had Jimmy called the kid? Oh yes. Josh. "We need to talk to you. We've got an idea."

Pike looked down at the boy in surprise. Josh was taller than Jimmy. He could well be older than Jimmy. Josh led him over to a small copse of trees where several of the older boys had gathered. They all looked to be about Jimmy's age. This had to be the command crew. There were five kids altogether, counting Josh.

"We know a way that can help JT."

Pike's eyebrows rose. "Oh."

"Yeah," Josh answered. "See, Matt was in JT's bunk…before, and he used to always be on the comm. with his mom." Pike knew he hadn't been able to keep his face from falling. Winona was dead. But the boys surprised him. "She died though, but then he still listened to the recordings she sent him."

Pike felt his eyebrows rise. Maybe…. it was just possible…. Would that help the kid?

He wondered…

If he could go back to the cabin and get those messages…what would happen?

Would it help?

And what would it cost?

Pike looked them over. "Which one of you is Matt?" A dark haired boy stood up from the other side of Josh and walked forward.

"I am, sir."

"You used to live with JT." Pike asked it as though it wasn't a question.

"Yes, sir." The kid was of a height with Jimmy, and he seemed a bit afraid of Pike.

"If I could get back to that cabin, you could show me what boxes to take, and anything else he might need?" He kept his expression stern, because he did not want anything he said to be taken lightly.

If he was going to do this, he was going to do it quick and fast and with a full detail of security men.

He did not want to be led into a trap again.

Matt nodded nervously.

"Okay, you all stay here." Pike stated.

He walked a small distance away and pulled his communicator from his pocket. "Pike to _Constellation_."

"_Constellation_ here."

"Let me speak to the Captain."

A few minutes later the captain came on. Pike explained the situation and the need for a detachment of security. He had actually thought he would have to fight harder. But both he and Captain Moritari agreed that if the team was fully armed with phasers, then they wouldn't be at significant risk.

And since Jimmy was currently the only person they knew could identity Kodos, it was a risk worth taking.

Pike was also informed that Adamson was going to take Jimmy out of stasis. Pike didn't know what to think of that. It might be really good, but it might be really bad. But on a whole, it sounded like a good sign that the doctor felt the boy stable enough to try.

A few minutes later, a red-shirted security detail had beamed down and was waiting for Pike's command. The other boys from Pike's group, Josh in particular, were very put out when Pike told them they would not be coming.

He silenced their protests with a glare. "I do not want to put any more of you at risk than I have to. And plus, I need you to do something for me." At that, their expressions grew a little less hostile. "I need you to gather up the kids, and get everything out of the cave. We're gonna move you all aboard the Constellation, so you can get better treatment."

The boys exchanged glances and then slowly nodded. They had been mostly staying out in the open the last few days, in some portable tent-like shelters that the _Constellation_ had beamed down, and while they were watched over night and day by the medical staff, they must have been eager for some more permanent surroundings.

Matt and Josh were exchanging looks though.

"Before we take everything out of it, though, sir…" the boy hesitated and seemed strangely shy, but then he drew a breath and continued. "You should see it. You should see what JT did for us."

Pike looked from one to the other_, and_ then he glanced at his waiting security detail. The man nearest to him shrugged.

Pike sighed. "I'll be right back," he said.

The crewman nodded. "We'll be here. Take your time, sir."

After a small argument about who got the responsibility of showing their home to the Starfleeter, it was decided that Matt and Josh would do the honors together. The rest of the group, grumpily agreed to wait outside and watch over the kids.

The gap between the rocks was small, and Pike had to squeeze to fit. He was expecting it to be small and cramped inside, and it was for a few meters back, but then it opened into something—

"Oh my God." Pike did not even try to contain the exclamation. It was beyond anything he had imagined. It was a cavern. It had to be natural. It couldn't be man-made. There was a waterfall at the back and a small stream that flowed off deeper into the cave. There was a hole for light cut into the ceiling. Small niches, presumably for sleeping were cut into the floor along one of the walls. Each niche contained a nest of blankets. Pike was speechless.

One of the boys nodded. "Yeah."

Pike was incredulous. "He did this all himself?"

"He said he found it climbing, sir. JT cut the skylight and the door with a disrupter that he stole from Kodos' palace."

Pike couldn't stop the eyebrow raise. He still couldn't speak. How in the name of God…? But one thing Matt had said penetrated his astonishment.

"Kodos' palace?" he managed.

"Yeah, JT never told us what he was doing there, but Kodos sure wanted him back." That was interesting. So Jimmy had been important to Kodos. "We think it's cause he's so smart," the boy continued.

"Who?" Pike was still taken aback.

"JT." The boy said it like it was a statement of fact. It _was_ a statement of fact. Pike had looked up the kid's test scores. "He could beat us all in chess."

Pike looked at the boy in amazement. "You play chess."

"Yeah, JT taught us all, because it was a quiet game. We could play even if the patrols were in the area." Pike nodded. Damn that kid was good.

"Can _all_ of you play chess?" He'd have been shocked if the littlest ones could play; they couldn't have been much older than six and Pike didn't think any of them were over fourteen.

"Kevin and Diana usually just play checkers, but JT was teaching them the rules." Matt said all this like it was normal for thirty some odd kids to play board games while soldiers outside were hunting them down.

Pike shook his head.

He needed some sort of return to normalcy.

"What did you eat?" he stuttered, before remembering that in all possibility, there hadn't been much.

"JT set up a shift of patrols. We just gathered what we could. And sometimes, there'd be fish in the water." The boy gestured at the pool. "We had a fire sometimes, when we could risk the smoke, but not much. And the sick kids eat first, and then the smaller kids, we eat after them, and JT always eats last." Josh looked at the ground as he mumbled, "JT never ate much."

Pike nodded. He could well imagine.

"It's ok," he said. "We're trying to make him better." The boys looked vaguely reassured at that.

"Will we be able to see him?" Josh asked, though Pike could see that Matt was also very interested in the answer.

"I don't know," Pike answered honestly. He'd have liked to be able to just tell them yes, but instead, he offered, "We'll just have to see how he is."

The boys seemed okay with his answer, and without another word, lead him from the cave.

* * *

Please let me know what you thought.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later. We're getting nearer the fluffy.

**AN**: Sorry it's late, but it's been a bad week, and it's a long chapter to make up for that it's late.

* * *

Of the children, he took only Matt with him on his trek back to the cabin, fearing for the safety of civilian who might have come with him. The only reason he took Matt was because he figured that Matt could show him the stuff he'd need to collect. If they had shared a bunk then Matt was likely to know Jimmy kept all his stuff. It would prevent Pike from having to route through it. He figured that the kid had already had enough invasions of his privacy. But if those holos could help Jimmy…then Pike didn't care what it took.

His shoulders ached with tension; his teeth were sore from grinding them together. And he had the mother of all headaches.

Pike just wanted to get back to the ship.

The group walked in silence, with the five security men alternating positions constantly. Only the flank and the rear guard maintained their positions constantly. Everyone else moved in a kind of constant circle, darting foreword, scanning for hostile forces and then covering the next man as he would run up the take the former person's place. Pike didn't always take point in maneuvers like this, but he needed the brain distraction today.

Matt was much quieter than Jimmy, and seemed almost shy. The dark haired boy kept his eyes on the ground. He didn't complain about the brisk pace set by the Starfleet crew. He didn't say much at all.

Everyone was careful to keep the boy at the center. Starfleet didn't take kindly to the endangerment of civilians. Plus, after what had happened with Jimmy, Pike didn't want to take any chances.

_That and Jimmy would never forgive you if you let something happen to one of his kids_.

Pike actually smiled at the thought.

_Let's hope he lives to find out I took good care of them. _

That thought sobered a Pike a little bit. Right. Game Face on.

Matt seemed to notice over-protectiveness, and spoke for the first time since leaving the cave. "They don't want me. There won't be any trouble. I'm not JT."

Pike looked sharply at the kid. What did that mean?

He asked.

Matt looked at him like he was stupid. Well, Pike figured he deserved that. Okay.

Matt rolled his eyes and sighed. "Look, they want JT, well, because he's JT. He's the leader."

Pike gave the boy an appraising stare. "There's more to it than that." It was NOT a question.

Matt sighed again, and stared at the ground.

"Look, kid, I'm not gonna go sharing this, but I need to know what he's up against." Pike was surprised at how calm he sounded. Really, it was like someone else was talking. Someone who wasn't emotionally invested in this whole thing.

Matt still wouldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know everything. Just a little."

Pike felt his impatience growing. "Well, tell me just a little then."

It must have been the right thing to say. Matt smiled. "Well, you know Jimmy's…special, right?"

Pike looked at him, sharply. Matt had called him Jimmy.

"Yeah, I know," the kid said, "but I knew him back when he was just Jimmy. Before he had to be JT. I'm the only one left that did."

Pike's eyes widened.

Matt continued. "There were eight of us, in the bunk. All here for camp, you know, for smart kids. We were gonna spend a year here, learning…stuff." The kid trailed off and Pike could see the wistfulness in the child's eyes. "Astrophysics and cartography and growing our own food…and stuff."

The boy shook his head, like it was too painful to remember.

"Anyway, we hadn't been here long when Kodos noticed him. I mean, everyone noticed him. But it was different. Kodos treated him like a son…."

Matt trailed off again. Pike wondered how much the kid was trying to conceal.

_Wait did that mean that Matt had also seen Kodos?_

Not wanting to interrupt, he put the thought aside for now.

"Anyway, the fungus came and then there wasn't anything to eat and then the governor issued his proclamation."

Yeah. Pike had heard it. The words came back to him then, in a desperate and furious jumble, nearly overlapping on themselves as he attempted to push the hated voice from his mind.

"_The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV._"

Pike wondered if Matt had been among those chosen to die.

How would he feel, Pike wondered, if he had heard those words about himself? He grunted to show the kid he was listening, but he really had no words with which to respond.

_…more valued members of society. _

What a joke. Like those goons that had waited at the cabin for Jimmy. Valued members of society that could torture a child to the point of death. Valued members of society my ass.

Pike thought then, that he might have preferred to be listed among those meant to die than to remain with those "valued members of society."

Plenty of good decent people had died. Hoshi Sato, for one. Starfleet had just gotten word of that particular death. It wasn't pleased. The linguist had done ground breaking work for Starfleet. And she had been one amazing woman, by all accounts. Starfleet was holding an official mourning service, specifically for her. Pike had not been lucky enough to have known her, but he both envied and felt sympathy for everyone who had.

Matt was quiet for a long while. But he stayed beside Pike. He seemed to have decided he could trust Pike.

"What happened after the proclamation, Matt?"

"Well, me and Jimmy were out when the guards came to round us up. Which is good cause I was on the list. But he wasn't. He told me after that they'd tried to keep him at the palace that day. That they didn't want him to go back to the cabin. But he got all suspicious, so he left and found me. I didn't want to go to the square. I don't like crowds. But everyone else from our bunk went, and none of them came back."

Pike nodded. So that was how it was._ God._ A small selfish part of him was glad it hadn't had to witness that. He didn't know how these _children_ found the strength to keep on going. Matt was quiet for a while. Pike hadn't remembered the walk taking this long when he was walking with Jimmy and talking about Shakespeare. But now, even his feet seemed heavy from the subject.

Matt took a few deep breaths, and then continued. "Jimmy came back to the cabin that day in a panic, and he found me and told me that we had to hide right now. So we hid in the forest, and after a while we found a girl, and then a boy, and it just sort of grew. I'm not like him. He's brave, and I'm not. But I did what he told me to. He found most of the kids, and after a while, he found the cave and we stayed there, but he'd go out to find other people. Oh…and he found our food. Sometimes, he'd bring it from the palace, but that was before Kodos found out."

For a moment, the kid looked panic stricken, as though he'd said too much. Pike decided it might be worth pressing the issue. "What did Kodos want with Jim?" Pike asked. He was dying to know. It might help keep the kid alive.

"I don't know exactly. Jimmy wouldn't talk about it. But he played them for a while. He was like one of those double agents you read about in spy stories from a hundred years ago. He slept at the palace even sometimes, but in the morning, he'd always be back with food. But then he got caught the first time. And I know they did bad stuff to him, because when he came back, he was different."

Pike's stomach dropped. "Different, how?"

"Quieter. Just different." Matt seemed reluctant to give any more information on the subject. Pike decided to let it rest for now. He didn't want to push too far and have the boy end up mistrusting him. That actually made him wonder why the kid trusted him so much. He decided to ask. "Hey, Matt, I really appreciate you telling me this stuff. It might help me keep Jimmy safe."

Matt nodded. "That's why I told you."

Pike raised an eyebrow at that. "Is that the only reason you trust me?"

"No. I trust you because he told me to." Matt said it with a straight face: his expression devoid of any hint of sarcasm or irony.

It was that simple for the kid. JT said to trust the lieutenant, therefore you _trusted _the lieutenant. Pike didn't know what to think of that. He wondered if any commander of an army in history had ever commanded such unbridled loyalty as did Jim Kirk.

He wondered if Jimmy himself even understood the depths of their devotion. Pike sighed. It seemed as if Jimmy had layers on top of his layers. A thought occurred to him, then. "Matt, why did he want all the kids to call him JT?

Matt looked at Pike sideways. "I was wondering if you were gonna ask me that."

"I did. Are you going to answer it?"

The kid cocked his head. "His mom called him Jimmy. He didn't want to sound vulnerable. So JT. I think the T's from his middle name. He always told the kids he'd tell them his whole name if we could guess his middle name. But nobody ever could. So except me, everybody only knows him as JT."

Pike nodded. Probably a good strategy.

He wondered if Kodos knew the kid's full real name. Probably. Especially if he'd taken an interest in Kirk before the revolution. …Or maybe during the revolution. Matt hadn't clarified. Pike decided he could wait to ask. He didn't want to push away his best informant quite yet.

He put a hand on Matt's shoulder and turned the boy to face him. "Thank you for trusting me with all this."

Matt met his eyes with a solid stare and nodded. Then he turned his attention back to walking.

They arrived at the clearing with the cabin a few minutes later. The beauty of it still took Pike's breath away. He didn't understand how it had the gall to look so beautiful after so many terrible things had happened here. But that was thing about nature. It didn't care.

_I am the grass. I cover all. _The line came back to him. A memory from a time long ago. How appropriate. _"The Grass." Carl Sandburg. _He remembered reading the poem in school, and remembered thinking about how callous it sounded then. But it was true. Nature eventually covered or recovered everything.

Pike forced his mind back to the present.

Pike made Matt wait behind a tree while the security team set up a perimeter and approached the cabin. Security signaled it safe and Pike motioned to Matt that the he could approach. There was no one waiting for them. Kodos must have known that Jimmy had been removed from the area. Or maybe he thought the kid was dead. He'd certainly looked it when Pike had beamed him to the ship.

Pike didn't know.

Matt moved around him into the interior of the cabin, picking up small things along the way. The windows threw beams of light in horizontal rays across the room, cutting the gloom like knives. The cabin was much the same as it had been the last time he saw it, but there was a large red stain on the floor. Pike's heart leapt in his throat…_Jimmy's blood_.

But no, it wasn't.

Jimmy had fallen nearly under the bed. This stain was in the middle of the floor. And then it came back to him. He remembered furiously slamming the guard's head into the floor. There was no body, but it was a pretty large stain.

Pike gulped. He might have killed the man.

_Oh well. _

He didn't regret his actions. He'd do them all again if it would protect Jimmy.

God when had he gotten so attached?

At this rate, he'd have to just adopt the kid.

_Oh Fuck._

Adopt the kid? Had he even meant to think that?

Where the hell had that thought come from.

It was crazy.

No.

NO.

Pike liked being single, he liked being unattached. He liked being the only person responsible for his decisions. He liked knowing that he wasn't making other people suffer. But adoption…would give him a fucking son.

Would it be so bad? His inner voice asked.

Yes. He shot back.

Now he knew he was going crazy. He was _losing_ an argument with _himself_.

And why the hell was the very idea of it making him feel warm and fuzzy?

Really would it be so bad?

Pike sank onto one of the beds, dejectedly.

_Adoption. _

Oh God, what would Jimmy say? The kid had been independent for more than a year, he wouldn't want some Starfleet lieutenant he barely knew to take care of him.

Pike wanted to know when the hell he'd started thinking about having this completely inappropriate conversation with the kid.

It could keep him safe, the inner monologue whispered. Dammit, why did it sound like George? And why the fuck did it have to be correct?

It could keep the boy more safe than in an orphanage.

Fuck.

Pike lowered his head to his hands. He could not keep thinking about this. He had a job to do.

That thought sobered him.

He was up and on his feet, wearing his command face less than a minute later.

"Ok, Matt, what do I need to get for Jimmy?" he asked.

Matt looked at him strangely. "Well, that's his bunk you were sitting on, sir, I thought you knew."

Pike felt his eyes widen. Jimmy's bunk. Of course it was.

Matt gestured at the bed. "His mom made the quilt." Ok, Pike would be bringing that. And the pillow. He lifted the quilt and examined it. It was mostly blue, but done in bright colors. It had a series of pieced together squares each contained in larger square. The pattern was mesmerizing. But it was soothing in a way. It kind of reminded Pike of space, a little. Everything was blue: the quilt, the pillows, the sheets. It must have been the kid's favorite color. Should have given him a science jersey, Pike thought. But then, he doubted anyone had ever seen a candidate so suited for command gold. The kid could probably already teach a class on leadership. Pike smiled as he folded the quilt nicely and picked up the pillow.

He was surprised to find a small pile of holos under it.

_Oh Jimmy._

Matt had been watching him. "Those are special," he said. And no matter how he was pressed he would not say more about the tiny pile other than that Pike should keep them separate from the rest. Pike pocketed them. He could figure out their mystery later.

"Where are the others?" Pike asked.

The boy pointed to a small footlocker near the wall, "That's his."

Pike nodded.

He gestured for one of the security men to take it. His own hands were full of quilt. "Anything else?" he added.

Matt looked around. "Our chess set is by the door."

Pike smiled. "We certainly can't forget that." Maybe he'd see how well Matt could play while they waited for Jimmy to wake up. He gestured another man to retrieve the board and pieces. And enjoyed a little moment where the crewman couldn't figure out how to carry them all. The man finally settled for thrusting the pieces in his pockets.

Pike smirked.

"Maybe you and I can play later, Matt," he said.

"I'm not very good." The kid hung his head, like he expected his admission to make the Starfleet men think less of him. As if anything could make any member of the crew think less of these kids.

"It's ok, I'm a good teacher. Maybe you'll get good and you can surprise Jimmy when he wakes up."

The kid's expression had the radiance of a thousand suns.

Dammit, he'd said when. _Not if_. When. When had he turned into such an infernal optimist? When you started thinking you wanted to adopt him? Pike cursed the voice again. And then he slapped himself, mentally.

_Dammit, Chris, he is not yours. Your part in his life is very small._

But you want it to be bigger. This time Pike nearly cursed aloud. Everyone was looking at him strangely. Had he cursed aloud?

Oops. Oh well.

Pike tucked the blanket under one arm and looked at Matt. The boy had a very meager pile of possessions in his hands. "That all you want?"

"It's all I can carry." The boy refused to meet his eyes.

The sentiment froze Pike's blood cold. Of course. This kid was used to taking only the barest necessities, only what he and the others could carry.

Well that wasn't the case now. Pike sank to his knees and looked deep into the boy's dark brown eyes. "It's not all _I _can carry," he said. "Let us help. We can take anything you want. Not just anything you _need_, but anything you _want_."

Pike held the boy by his too thin shoulders, and he did not release the kid until he thought that Matt understood was he was saying. The boy nodded, tears in his eyes.

"Now, what all do you _want_?" Pike asked.

Matt's eyes flicked hopefully toward the corner. There was another footlocker over there.

Pike didn't even wait for Matt to ask. He just pointed another crewman toward the chest, and watched with satisfaction as the man hoisted it above his shoulders.

He nodded. Good. He wanted to get out of here.

The place kind of gave him the creeps.

"All set?" he asked.

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Let's get the hell out of here."

He couldn't help but notice that Matt's "yes sir" was louder than anyone else's.

* * *

Pike stepped off the transporter pad feeling lighter than he had since their arrival to this god forsaken hell hole.

It felt like he had hope suddenly.

And while he still didn't know what to do about this whole adoption thing, he did know that he wanted to be on ship when Jimmy woke up.

The kids had all been assigned quarters and he gestured Crewman Stevens, who had Matt's footlocker to show the kid to the designated area. Stevens nodded. Pike took Jimmy's chest from the crewman that held it. It could go in Pike's own quarters for now, at least until Jimmy woke up.

_Damn, he had it bad._

Pike moved to go off in the direction of his own quarters, when Matt ran after him, calling his name. "Mister Pike, I just remembered. I …have something to tell you...about JT."

Matt had called Jimmy JT. So they were back to that. Okay. Pike lowered Jimmy's locker from his shoulder and sank to the boy's eye level.

"Yes, what is it?' Pike honestly had no idea what it could be.

But Matt seemed strangely hesitant again. He looked around, as though trying to see if he could be overheard. "He can't sleep on his back."

Pike was confused. Was that supposed to be a _secret_? His confusion must have shown on his face.

The boy continued, "I don't mean he won't. I meant he doesn't. He can't. He always said he never had."

Well, that was interesting.

And that meant that Pike had best beat it to sickbay. It was Starfleet protocol to leave those recovering from surgery on their backs in order to best maintain an open airway. He stopped briefly by his quarters to drop off the trunk and then, quilt and pillow in hand, went to sickbay as fast as he could.

It was nearly empty. Jimmy was the room's only patient.

Dr. Adamson saw him approach and came out of his office. "Doctor," Pike said by way of greeting. "How is he?"

Adamson hesitated. Damn-_not _a good sign. "He's…well…he's better, I suppose. He's still on the respirator, but his heart is functioning. And so are his kidneys. Everything's a little sluggish, but …he just might make it. It could go either way. It's really up to him now."

Pike nodded. That was often the case with victims of severe trauma. Ultimately, it was up to them.

"What have you got there?" Adamson asked, eyeing the quilt.

"It's his blanket. His mother made it for him." Pike replied.

Adamson smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Indeed?"

Pike nodded again. He handed the quilt to the doctor. "Sterilize it for me?"

"I'll do it right now," he said. Good.

While the doctor was doing that, Pike wandered over to Jimmy's bedside. The kid looked frail and helpless. Too pale and too thin. Unfortunately no amount of hypos could put fat on a person, nor could they remove it. Jimmy would have to gain his weight back the old fashioned way, with steaks and potatoes and ice cream sundaes.

Pike found himself wondering how much a boy Jimmy's size could eat. Which naturally lead to wondering how much it would cost to buy all that, and if he would be able to afford it all.

Damn, he was in _deep_.

Oh God, what if the kid survived and then said no. Pike decided to keep his idea to himself for now.

He noticed the kid's breathing seemed a bit labored and wondered if there was anything to what Matt had told him about Jimmy not resting on his back. Couldn't hurt to find out.

Adamson was just approaching with quilt. Not only had he sterilized it, but he'd warmed it also. Pike's heart warmed a little to the old man, and he told Adamson what Matt had told him.

By the time Pike was finished speaking, he was wondering if it was possible for another human's eyebrows to rise any higher than Adamson's had. But the other man was nodding. "I read about something like that, once. Couldn't hurt."

Pike helped the other man roll Jimmy gently onto his side, being careful to keep the respirator mask in place and to keep the boy's airway open. Then Pike carefully covered the boy with Winona's quilt. It might have been his imagination but it looked as though the kid was breathing easier.

_Well, I'll be damned_, Pike thought.

"I'll sit with him awhile," he said. Adamson nodded, smiled a secret smile and left him to it.

Pike settled himself in a chair beside the bed and watched the boy breath in and out. And before long, he was asleep as well.

* * *

Please Please review.

Its been a bad week and I could use the encouragement. The kid with Jimmy's injuries died due to his injuries. In answer to some questions, yes, I will be continuing this fic. ....It's just been a hard week to find inspiration.

Small notes. Hoshi Sato, a character from ST: Enterprise was killed on Tarsus according to the episode "In a Mirror Darkly, II." "He's not yours, in his life, your part is very small." Are lyrics quoted from "I Won't Mind" by Audra McDonald.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later. We're getting nearer the fluffy. This chapter features the return of the indomitable James Tiberius Kirk.

* * *

Pike woke in pain. It was getting to be a frighteningly common occurrence. Every muscle in his body screamed at him as he tried to convince his wayward limbs to cooperate. He was face down, resting in a cramped position; his head rested upon something soft. His eyes were sticky. He blinked them slowly, staring at the white sheets beneath his hands.

Jim Kirk's chest rose and fell with a steady and reassuring rhythm.

_Oh right. _

He'd fallen asleep sitting vigil beside Jimmy.

The kid looked more peaceful than when Pike had last seen him, the previously tense features on the kid's face were relaxed, and he looked much younger than when Pike had seen him last. He was still lying partially on his side, partially on his stomach as Pike and Adamson had left him.

The boy was still on a respirator, and an IV, but he looked...better. There was some color to the boy's cheeks now, and his eyes were not quite as sunken. Jimmy still looked fragile though, to Pike's eyes, the boy was impossible frail and thin. The kid's fingers, seemed impossibly small, fisted in the blue covers of Winona's quilt. For the first time, since he'd met the kid, Pike thought Jimmy looked his age. He was what? All of twelve.

It was incredible for anyone who knew what the kid had accomplished.

Pike yawned and stretched. Every muscle and tendon cracked and popped as the lieutenant attempted to force his spine to straighten from the exaggerated crouch he'd been sleeping in.

Damn, he'd be feeling this later today.

But watching the kid, he wasn't sure he regretted it. Jimmy looked…relaxed, almost. It made Pike smile.

And while he knew it was fake, knew that the kid wasn't sleeping…for Christ's sake, he was unconscious…. Still it was a better looking unconscious than it had been this time yesterday. Maybe there was hope for the kid's recovery after all. Pike tried not to let himself think that. He was going to be devastated if Jimmy didn't wake up. Pike had admitted to himself yesterday just how deeply he was involved.

He'd thought about adopting the boy, for fuck's sake.

And yet, that didn't necessarily seem too stupid an idea in the light of day. Jimmy would need a guardian or he would be remanded to the care of the Federation. Pike didn't particularly like that idea.

He didn't like the options it would give Jimmy for a future. And he definitely didn't like the idea of Jimmy growing up in some cold sterile environment. This boy was too warm, too bright, and too brilliant for that. No Jimmy needed ...a family. Or something.

Pike wasn't sure he could provide the boy a family. But he could give him…something.

Jimmy could be his ... what? _Son? Child? Adoptee_? Damn, that last one sounded cold.

Pike sighed and put his head in hands. He thought he'd finished this circular argument yesterday.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and started up, only to come face to face with Dr. Adamson. "You present the appearance of a man with a problem."

Pike laughed. "You could say that doctor."

Adamson eyed their young charge. "He's important to you."

Pike sighed and nodded. "Yeah." He ran a hand through his hair, but did not elaborate.

Adamson looked him up and down, critically, while raising an eyebrow.

Pike sighed again, and sat down. "My best friend… at the Academy…that's his son."

Adamson's eyebrows rose even higher.

Pike nodded again. "Yeah. I didn't know he was here, until…now."

"And where is your friend, that his son is here?" Adamson asked.

It wasn't possible. Did Adamson not know who Jimmy was? _Everyone_ knew of George's sacrifice. They freaking celebrated his friend's death _every year_.

Maybe with all the commotion, Adamson hadn't ever been given his patient's name. But Jimmy had been in sickbay for nearly two weeks.

Well, they were all stressed.

Pike decided to give the man the benefit of the doubt. "Doc, that's James _Kirk_," Pike said, pointing at Jimmy. He put special emphasis on the last name.

"My God. I didn't realize." Adamson's eyes were huge in the dim light. "I knew his name was Jim, and I heard his last name, but…" The doctor trailed off.

"You didn't put it together?" Pike offered.

"Yeah." The doctor was looking at his patient in a whole new light, and Pike wasn't sure he liked it.

But even as he watched, the look of shock and hero-worship faded from the doctor's face to something more speculative. "Where is Mrs. Kirk?"

Pike sighed and sank even lower in his seat. "She's dead. She died some months ago. Radiation cancer."

The doctor sat down beside Pike. "Yeah, that's one of the few that modern medicine can't cure."

Pike nodded and put a hand over his eyes. "Yeah, I figured."

He felt the hand return to his shoulder. "Come with me, lieutenant. I believe this discussion would be better had over a glass of whiskey."

That was unusual. Pike hadn't even known the straight laced doctor drank alcohol.

"What discussion isn't?" Pike responded, a wry smile on his face.

They walked in relative silence the doctor's quarters, which were Spartan in the extreme. The only non regulation thing in the room was a small holo, of a woman Pike presumed to be the doctor's wife.

His interest in the photo did not go unnoticed. "Ah, yes, that's my wife, Arianna."

Pike nodded. He'd been right, then. She was pretty.

Adamson gestured at the small table in the corner. "Have a seat. I'll be just a minute."

Pike sat.

Adamson returned a few moments later with two glasses and a bottle of Scotch. Pike whistled when he saw it. It was the oldest looking bottle he'd ever seen. Clearly Adamson was a _connoisseur_**. **They weren't going to be drinking the cheap shit tonight.

"Scotch, a going away present from my wife." Adamson said.

Pike examined the bottle in awe. He'd never seen one this old before.

"So lieutenant…" Pike noticed that the doctor poured with a heavy hand. Well, anyone who shared this quality of whiskey could call him by his name.

"Chris, doctor. Call me Chris."

Adamson nodded. "John."

Pike raised his glass. "John."

Adamson smiled. "So Chris. Talk to me."

Pike sighed. "I don't know where to start."

"How about with how you want to keep the kid." Damn the doc was good.

Pike sighed. "Yeah." He didn't offer further details.

But Adamson just looked at him.

And somehow without realizing how it happened, Pike told the doctor everything. From meeting George to loving him as the brother Pike always wanted to meeting Winona and then being furiously jealous of his best friend, because Pike had wanted her also. He told the doctor about being best man at the wedding, and loving his friend and being happy for George while his heart was breaking on the inside. And he told about the first boy, George Samuel, about being asked to be the godfather and how devastated they all were when the child was stillborn. Pike talked about how painful it had been and how he'd taken a deep space mission to get away from all of it. Pike told Adamson about how he hadn't been around when George had died, and how he hadn't been there to support Winona…and how now…he really wished he had been. Pike told Adamson things he'd never told another living soul. He had never thought he'd be talking about all the guilt he'd been carrying around for all this time.

And then he told Adamson about finding Jimmy in the cell, and about all that had transpired after. He specially didn't tell the doctor about Jimmy knowing Kodos. He told about liking the kid for his spunk, and admiring him for his bravery. About coming to want the kid for more than whose child he was. And finally Pike told Adamson about his stupid, ill conceived idea about maybe, possibly, sort of, adopting the kid.

Maybe, sort of, possibly? Who are you kidding? His subconscious supplied a sarcastic commentary, as it always did when he drank.

Adamson didn't say much, for which Pike was grateful.

When he finished speaking, the doctor was quiet for a long while. "Well, that's quite a story, Chris."

Pike nodded. "I know."

"It must be hard to think that had you approached Winona after George's death, Jimmy would be yours already. And he never would have been here."

Damn. It hurt to hear it phrased like that. Pike put his head in hands.

"Yeah, it is," he responded. He didn't look up.

The doctor spoke again. "That's not your fault, Chris. Not at all."

Pike snorted his disbelief.

"Maybe you were meant to meet him now. You're both alone. Maybe you both need someone."

Pike still did not raise his head. "I don't know."

"For what it's worth, I believe he would accept your offer."

The hope that gripped his heart at those words was interminable. Pike cursed aloud. "I don't know that he would. If I tell the whole story, he'll probably blame me for being here."

"I do not think so, lieutenant. Jimmy has shown remarkable maturity since you met him. You should give him the chance to surprise you again."

Pike would have to think on that. He still wasn't sure about this idea.

He made his way to his quarters sometime later, a little bit worse worth for the wear. He wasn't nearly as drunk as he'd been the other evening, but he was definitely a little tipsy.

He was punching in the code to enter his room when he put his hand in his pocket and remembered the vid chips he'd put there yesterday. Pike pulled them out and looked at them. There were maybe a dozen.

Pike was very curious about them. Matt had told him these were special. Pike took one to his vid player and inserted the chip.

Ten seconds in, Pike felt guiltier than ever in his life. It was a fucking lullaby.

Winona's voice was low; she must have been an alto. She would never have made a professional singer, but Pike could see how, listening to it, if you knew the song was for you, she had had the most beautiful voice in the galaxy. His throat ached with the effort of holding in the tears. Pike didn't know the song, but it was quiet and soothing, and it spoke a love that would not, could not be denied.

_"I'll be your candle on the water  
My love for you will always burn  
I know you're lost and drifting  
But the clouds are lifting  
Don't give up you'll have somewhere to turn_

_I'll be your candle on the water  
'Till every wave is warm and bright  
My soul is there beside you  
Let this candle guide you  
Soon you'll see a golden stream of light_

_A cold and friendless tide has found you  
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down  
I'll paint a ray of hope around you  
Circling in the air  
Lighted by a prayer_

_I'll be your candle on the water  
This flame inside of me will grow  
Keep holding on you'll make it  
Here's my hand so take it  
Look for me reaching out to show  
As sure as rivers flow  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go..."_

Pike could not deny the tears any longer. It was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever heard. God, he missed her. He missed them both. His chest ached with the magnitude of the loss. Pike could see why Jimmy had risked his life to get this recording back. Pike would have done the same.

He wondered at the words. Had Winona known how prophetic they would be? Had she known somehow, what would happen to her son? Had she known that she was dying, and tried to leave her son some tangible reminder of her love? He wondered. Were the rest of the chips like this one? God, he couldn't take this. He pulled the chip out and set in a small pile with the rest of them, near to Jimmy's box.

He checked the time. It was 22:12. There was still time for him to wander down to sickbay and check the kid before he turned in for the evening.

He walked slowly, thinking about the recording he'd just heard. A lullaby. A damn lullaby. The kid really was just a child. For whatever else he had been, genius, teacher, leader, hero…he was just a child.

He had the same needs as any other kid. He just hid them better.

Pike shook his head.

He found sickbay little changed from his last visit. Jimmy was in the same position he'd been in when Pike had left with Adamson. That meant he was still unconscious. Pike settled into the chair beside the bed to watch the boy for a while.

He pondered the lullaby. It was so prophetic. Pike wanted to know how much Winona had known. A goddamn lullaby.

Jimmy had kept it under his pillow.

_Just a child. _

Almost unconsciously Pike leaned forward to caress the boy's hair. He looked _so young. So frail. So damn thin._

Pike's heart broke to look at him, thinking of all that Jimmy had lost, wondering if anything could begin to make up for all the losses the boy had suffered in his life.

Would a guardian now really help anything?

Without realizing, Pike fell into a kind of moving meditative state, stroking the boy's hair as he pondered. He looked down to check his patient, and found himself looking into a pair of impossibly blue eyes.

* * *

So what do you think? He's finally awake! Hooray.

"You present the appearance of a man with a problem." _Star Trek IV: the Voyage Home._ With special thanks to ewientje for remembering that for me.

"Candle on the Water" is from _Pete's Dragon._ The copyright and lyrics belong to Disney. If you go to youtube, _Candle on the Water-Pete's Dragon _should get you there. Listen to it done by Helen Redding. It's worth it. Its about how I picture Winona sounding.

Jimmy's quilt... http://sewmamasew (dot) com/blog2/?p=352

Special author's note. Thanks for all the support/encouragement from last time. Since some of you have asked, I did know my "Jimmy" but I only met him at the hospital. The boy never regained consciousness. I'd never seen a kid look that bad before. His death kind of devastated me, and I really did consider deleting this, but I didn't, and you guys were really awesome. and I really could not have continued this fic without it. But like one of you said, this fiction allows me to change the ending of that story, and also...to get some word out that issues like this exist. So anyway, thanks.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later. We're getting nearer the fluffy.

* * *

Damn his eyes are blue.

Didn't know that color could exist in nature, Pike had the time to think

And then every alarm went off.

Pike saw Jimmy's eyes widen even further at the blaring klaxons, and then it seemed that every member of sickbay was pulling him away from the kid.

"Move, Lt."

Jimmy was forced to roll back onto his back as Pike stumbled out of the way. His eyes couldn't quite track everything they were doing to the kid, or why so many alarms were blaring at once. He hoped everything would be alright.

He had noticed that they had not yet made him leave. And none of them seemed to be on the very of panic.

_Well that was good._

After a couple minutes of incredible hyperactivity, Adamson approached him. The good doctor was smiling, so it couldn't be all bad news.

"Well, Chris, we've sedated him, but I think he should pull through just fine. If he makes it through the night okay, then we might even be able to take the breathing tube out tomorrow."

Pike gaped at the doctor. "But the alarms…."

"Just to let us know he was awake. What he needs now is some good old fashioned sleep. Let him heal himself a bit, which is, by the way, what you ought to be doing."

Pike nodded. He knew that. He could feel it in the grit behind his eyes.

Adamson clapped him on the shoulder. "He should recover fine. Now, get out of my sickbay."

The doctor smiled, and Pike understood that he was being welcomed to return, but he was also definitely being kicked out for now.

He turned and headed for his quarters.

But then remembering the holo in his pocket, he turned and headed back into sickbay. The look on the CMO's face implied that he had better have a damn good reason for coming back in here.

Pike held up the chip. "If you play it for him, he might sleep better." He handed it over reluctantly. "Just make sure he gets it back."

The doctor gave him an assessing look, and nodded. "Okay, Chris. Okay."

Pike looked past the doctor, stealing one more glance at Jimmy. Then he headed out again.

Back to his empty room.

_Damnit, that's never bothered you before._ He nearly swore aloud.

He sighed.

That kid had really done a number on him.

He trudged back to his quarters. What a day. The buzz from the doctor's alchol had completely left him. Now he just felt…drained.

He wanted just to fall into bed and sleep for a hundred years.

Or at least eight hours.

But there was a morning briefing on the "situation" below, and he wouldn't get eight hours. He'd be lucky if he got six.

He stripped out of his shirt and threw it in the general direction of the recycler. He was generally a very neat individual, but this week had done a number on him. He could clean it in the morning.

He asked the computer for an alarm an hour before the briefing, which would give him time to shower and eat (and clean).

As he was pulling back the covers on his bed, Pike's eyes fell upon the pile of holos he'd tossed there earlier. He wondered if they were all like the one he'd seen.

It was likely.

After a moment, he decided not to watch them. They were likely personal. He could always view them later, when and if it became necessary to do so.

With that thought in his head, he drifted off to an uncomfortable slumber, plagued by unpleasant dreams.

* * *

The morning briefing came all too early. He had to start getting more sleep.

Pike arrived early for the briefing, clutching his coffee like it was his only lifeline.

Then again, sometimes it was.

Pike was of the opinion that nothing great had ever been achieved by any society lacking caffeine.

He sat slowly, taking his time to look around at those assembled.

Mara El Sayed, the ship's XO was already there, but that was no shock. Her dark hair was immaculately styled into a tight bun. Pike wondered how long it would be if she ever let it down.

Mara was half the reason that the captain ran such a tight ship. She was perky and laid back, nothing every fazed her. She was Terran Egyptian by birth, and Pike got on well with her. She was a fellow desert dweller.

There was something about living in the desert that forced people to get over petty grievances and to move on.

She smiled at and he waved back.

The captain was not yet present, but again that was no surprise. There were so many things on board a ship that demanded the captain's personal attention, that it was a miracle he ever got anywhere at all.

Most of the bridge crew was present also.

Pike knew them all. Daniels, Security. O'hara, Navigation. Wells, Communications. Gregory, Engineering. And of course, Adamson had come up from sickbay.

Pike was Tactical, currently fourth in the chain of command, after the XO and the Chief Engineer. He'd taken it on while completing the command track at the Academy, and he'd loved it. He'd actually been into engineering before George had seduced him to the dark side with tactical. But then that wasn't entirely George's fault. Winona had made cookies. And no one could resist her cookies.

No one.

But it turned out that Tactics…had turned out.

Pike loved it.

It was just one of the many things he owed George.

The captain entered and everyone stood. Moritari liked to do things the old fashioned way. But Pike didn't mind how the man did anything, so long as it got things done.

Moritari began the meeting with a brief overview of the situation currently going on the planet below.

They were still rounding up the remnants of Kodos' forces, which were to be approached with extreme caution. They were starting to get desperate. And desperate men did things that rational men did not.

Starfleet was apparently sending at least two more ships to help deal with the fallout from the disaster. That's good, Pike thought. Nothing like sending help, too little too late.

_Oh well._

At least they were doing something.

The Constellation had been put in charge of determining what had happened, and how the situation escalated to the point it did.

Pike pitied the fucker that had to deal with that job.

He pitied the person even more when he found it was going to be him.

Oy.

Exactly the job he didn't want. But he put on a tight smile and said, "Yessir, of course."

He already had a headache. It was going to be a nightmare. Pike could not imagine the vast amounts of data he'd have to collect. Nearly ever person on the ship was going to have to be involved. Possibly everyone on every available ship.

He hid his sigh with a huge effort.

_This was going to suck._

There would have to be survivor interviews. Interviews with Jimmy's kids. Computer specialists would be needed to hack the colony's computers. Botanists to test the fungi. Environmentalists to see if the land would ever be usable again. Would the world have be declared off limits?

He was so deep in thought about the logistics of it that he almost didn't hear the captain call his name.

Pike looked up to find everyone at the table was staring at him. Oh dear God, what had he missed?

Moritari smiled indulgently, though, so it didn't look like he was going to be reprimanded. "Somewhere else, lieutenant?"

Pike blushed. "Sorry, sir, it's a big assignment, sir."

"As I was saying," the captain continued, "due to recent events, Starfleet has decided to honor Lt. Pike for his bravery."

Pike was taken aback. _For his what? What had he done? And when had he done it?_

"Sir?" he said. It was all he could get out.

"This does not leave this room. Moritari's tone became sober and tightly controlled; he glanced at Adamson before he continued. "As some of you may know, a boy named James Kirk is currently residing in our sickbay. He's twelve. And right now, as far as we know, he is the only living person that can identify Kodos."

Every eye in the room shot straight to the captain. They all knew what that meant. But Pike looked down at his lap.

"This kid nearly single handedly saved some thirty other kids that were on the kill list. That boy is special; he's a hero, like his father."

Pike's insides squirmed. He wasn't sure where this was going, but he wasn't sure he liked it. His whole body squirmed as the communications officer practically shouted, "Wait you mean its George Kirk's kid?"

"Yes, that's what I mean. But his heritage isn't' all that important," the captain all but growled.

And though Pike was grateful for the growled warning in the captain's tone, he wondered why the captain would have brought up Jimmy's heritage at all if it wasn't important.

"Lieutenant Pike risked his life to save young Mr. Kirk's, and was wounded in the process. It is entirely possible that he may have saved the only witness that will help us bring this situation to justice. Pike stand up."

Pike climbed awkwardly to his feet, and stood at attention. He was never good with these kids of things

His mind was in a kind of filtered daze as the captain pinned the Starfleet Medal of Valor on his chest. He heard something about dedication to his comrades and to serving civilians, but most it went right in one ear and out the other.

He hadn't been badly wounded.

And he'd have done it anyway.

He did catch the small bit about the promotion to Lt. Commander, and the pay raise.

_Really? For saving a kid?_

The captain must have seen the look on his face, because he said, "You were due for promotion anyway, Chris. Starfleet just wanted to make it splashy."

Oh.

He guessed that made sense.

A few minutes later, the briefing dismissed and everyone hurried to shake Pike's hand. He was finding the whole experience rather surreal.

When Mara came up to shake his hand, he smiled at her, and she hugged him instead. She was very …genuine. He liked that about her. Shame she wasn't his type. Well, that and she was married.

But he liked her very much as a friend. He didn't have many. He was too severe.

"You look overwhelmed," she said to him.

"I am, a little." He admitted it.

She smiled at him. "You'll get over it…Commander."

_Commander._

It sounded good.

"Yeah, I expect I will," he said. "I expect I will."

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Hope you liked it. Please review.

I'll be away for the next two weeks, so there probably won't be any updates. But I'll write, and hopefully have a doozey for you when I come back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer**: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic, but this is relatively fluffy update...actually, it's a _really_ fluffy update. I didn't have the heart to make it darker.

Sorry about the wait on this update guys. This one was really hard to write for some reason. I'm so burned out that there aren't even words. But thanks to those of you who recently reminded that this fic matters to you (and to the person that reminded me (yes it does matter to me also-thanks)). I appreciate it. This particular fic is never exactly easy to write, and I think I kind of bit off more than I could chew (I now have four WIP fics.) In the end I just had to sit down and write and not let myself get up until I was finished it. So be patient with me and there'll be more.

**This is for Argent-Jinx. I needed that. **

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The new stripes caught his eye every time he moved his hand as he walked the familiar path to sickbay. Truth to tell, the stripes were annoying the hell out of Pike.

Only you would be annoyed by a promotion, he thought to himself.

Well, it happened to be the truth.

Pike was annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. He was so annoyed that he was growling to himself. It had only been two days since his promotion and this whole thing had turned into one huge fucking nightmare of a mess.

_Not that it hadn't already been a huge fucking nightmare of a mess_. Because it had been. And it still was.

Pike sighed aloud. A luxury he did not often permit himself.

This project had so much fucking responsibility. It wasn't that he minded exactly...it was just...a lot. There was an incredible amount to do, to get done, to organize, to oversee, and to keep in order.

Not to mention keeping back the raving vultures that were the press corp.

Yes the jackals had arrived.

Pike was very glad he'd convinced Moritari to beam all of Jimmy's kids aboard, and that they weren't on the planet now to be subjected to the media circus. As far as Pike was concerned, those kids were not even going to be aware that the press corp existed. He wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do about the press knowing or not knowing about the existence of kids. It might depend on what or how much the press already knew. He'd have to wait and see.

He'd sent science officers to examine the crops and the fungi. There were A7 computer specialists going through the colony's databases. Environmentalists had been sent to see if the land would ever be viable again. Pike had half a mind to recommend that the whole world be set aside and never revisited. But that wasn't really his decision to make. Though it could be an opinion he placed in his final report to Starfleet. He didn't know yet.

The hardest part so far had been in finding enough people trained to do the survivor interviews. These were going to be open, sensitive, highly emotional interviews. And Pike didn't want them screwed up by idiots that couldn't handle something as emotional as these were likely to be. Not that anyone in Starfleet was prepared to hear about witnessing genocide. But that was why Pike wanted trained professionals and not well meaning amatuers.

God he had a headache.

Dealing with the kids' interviews was a whole new nightmare. He didn't have any idea how in the hell he could get these kids to talk about this. Once they'd been beamed aboard the ship, they'd all been surprisingly reticent. They acted differently from how they had on the planet. They were not sullen exactly, but they were withdrawn. Quiet. Shy. They weren't mistrustful exactly, but they weren't...open. They weren't the kids who'd played freeze tag that first afternoon with him and JT.

JT. Maybe that was it. Maybe they were waiting for their leader.

He was their leader, their strength, their support. He had been their chance. Maybe they were just lost without him. Despite the fact that he'd woken up, Jimmy had remained in sickbay for the past two days. While Pike was aware that the children had been told their hero was out of danger, they weren't yet permitted to visit him. Adamson felt it would be too strenuous on the boy. Kirk apparently needed time to heal. And in order to heal, the kid had to stay in bed and take his medication, which he would likely stop doing if he had to pretend to have no weaknesses--which he'd do the second he had any of his kids back in sight.

So Pike had agreed with Adamson on the temporary ban of child visitors to sick bay. Kirk was healing as well as could be expected for his condition.

Once constant source of consternation to the entire crew was that, despite it being the twenty third century, weight could still not be gained artificially. All of the children, Jimmy included, were still excruciatingly thin. The smaller ones seemed to be gaining faster than the older ones, but to look at any of them could break the heart. To Pike's eyes, Jimmy was putting on weight slower than any of the rest of them.

It made him sad.

He wanted the kid to get better faster. But according to Adamson, the kid's immune system was shot. Jimmy'd had so many infections raging in his system that his body had stopped responding to most hypos. Jimmy Kirk was going to have to mostly heal the old fashioned way.

The two of them had a date today. Kirk was allowed to play chess so long as he didn't move much. Pike liked playing against the kid. Jimmy was surprisingly good. He won against nearly every opponent on the ship. Pike wondered if it was all practice Kirk'd had in the cave, or if the kid just really was that good.

But the boy was going to be playing at grandmaster level someday soon. It made Pike pity Kirk's future opponents. What a commander he would make...that is if Starfleet hadn't driven him away completely. But if the kid could strategize like this now...what would he be like ten years? He would be a hell of a tactician, that is if Pike could tempt him to the dark side just as George had tempted Pike.

Pike arrived at the foot of Jimmy's bed right on time. The boy appeared to be sleeping. He lay on his stomach, just as Matt had said he would. Pike smiled. He didn't mind much if they missed their game. He just liked seeing the kid. The boy shifted in his sleep and the quilt slipped down from the boy's shoulders, exposing his scars. Pike was starting to get used to them. Kirk would have them for the rest of his life, but Adamson had down some good work on the kid's back. The lash marks were less vivid than they had been, and growing paler by the day.

Pike stepped up beside the bed and pulled the quilt back into position. He looked down on Jimmy's slumbering face. The boy looked incredibly like his father. Jimmy looked so young when he was sleeping. Sometimes, he found it easier to look at Jimmy when he was sleeping, as then he wasn't able to see the haunted look in the boy's eyes.

But that wasn't really true. Pike enjoyed every minute of the time he spent with Jim. The boy was incredibly keen witted. Pike reached out a hand to Jimmy's unruly golden hair. _Just like George. _

He smoothed down a curly look that had fallen into the boy's eyes.

Pike couldn't help but smile as he did so. Doing things like that always made him feel so..._paternal_.

_Get a grip, Chris. You've only known the kid a week. He isn't yours,_ he scolded himself.

_Not yet,_ an inner voice answered.

As though he felt the new commander's scrutiny, Kirk moved in his sleep and started to wake. Pike put a gentle hand against the boy's back and helped him to sit, propped against the pillows.

"Hey, Jimmy."

Jimmy gave him a tired, and somewhat unfocused smile. "Lo, Commander."

Pike allowed his face to reflect mild reproach. "What have I told you about calling me commander?"

This time Jimmy's smile reminded Pike of a breaking sunrise. "Chris," he said.

"That's better," Pike smiled himself. He pulled a chair beside the bed, turned it backward, and straddled it. Pike began setting up the board. Jim was always white. "How're you feeling, Jim?"

"Okay."

"The truth," Pike insisted.

Kirk gave him a tired smile and looked like he wanted to protest, but eventually, he answered. "Tired. Sore," he shrugged. "Bored. Okay, really."

Pike nodded. He felt guilty. The kid needed sleep. "I shouldn't have woken you."

Jimmy gave him a funny look. "You didn't. I was waiting for you. I like our chess matches."

Pike was a little surprised at that. He had kind of thought that he was only relieving the kid's boredom. "I hadn't thought I presented much of a challenge to you."

Kirk smirked. He looked as thought he was about to say, _you don't._ But he didn't. Instead, he said, "You play better than anyone I've played in a long time."

Pike smiled. "Diplomatic answer."

Jimmy just blushed at him. They played in silence for a little while. It was clear that Jimmy wasn't concentrating on the game. Pike wondered what was bothering the kid. But Pike didn't want to push Jimmy. The boy had been through a lot. Pike figured Jimmy would talk when he was ready.

"Dr. Adamson told me you knew my parents." The boy's voice was quiet, not at all his normal self assured tone.

Pike nodded. "Yeah. I did." He didn't know exactly what to say. "Your dad was my roommate at the Academy. I was best man at their wedding."

The look on Jimmy's face could only be described as hunger. "You knew my father?"

Pike smiled. "Yeah. He was my best friend. And I don't make friends easily, so that's saying something."

"I think you're nice," said Jimmy.

Pike was momentarily taken aback. No one had ever called him 'nice' before. He had quite a reputation for being an uptight, hard ass. Then he smiled. "Yeah, well, you're a weird one," he said.

"True." Jimmy actually laughed. It transformed his face. Pike wanted to see that again.

Jimmy's smile was shy and tentative, and somehow more real than any expression Pike had previously seen on his face. "Will you tell me about them?"

Pike smiled back. "Of course I will. Of course I will. It might take a while."

Jimmy smiled again. "I'm not going anywhere." And then he settled back against his pillows, looking for all the world like there was no where else he wanted to be.

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Okay, so that was my return to Haven. Hope you liked it. I enjoyed writing it. Please review.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic. But it will be getting lighter. And this chapter is almost pure plot exposition. Sorry. It's also really freaking long, for one of my updates, which are usually less than half this long. I'm not apologizing for that, though.

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Pike retraced the path back to his cabin in a better mood than he'd been in in a long time. He'd enjoyed telling Jimmy about his parents.

He missed them both so much right now it was like having a little hole in his insides. Especially George. So bright and full of life.

_Always laughing._

Pike really wanted to talk to George.

He wanted to tell him about the boy. The kind of person he was becoming.

Right now, Pike couldn't imagine anyone more worthy of George's sacrifice. George had saved eight hundred lives. Pike wondered how many Jimmy had saved. At least thirty.

And he was only twelve.

He wondered how many other people in the universe could say the same.

Pike had talked himself hoarse, talking about nothing at all, just small vignettes about the exploits the two of them had gotten up to. He told them about the time George had stolen the mascot of one an opposing team just before a big football match. The mascot was a mule and George had been attempting to paint it bright pink when Pike arrived.

Pike had been mortified.

But George'd been using a dye that would fade in a few days, that was completely safe for animal fur. Whatever else George might have been, he wasn't cruel to animals. He wasn't cruel to anyone...or anything. But George did feel that the smack talk from the other team was getting a little bit excessive and that the other team might not be as eager for a confrontation if their mascot was ...well...bright pink.

Pike had caught him at it, and demanded the immediate release of the mule.

George had smiled and sometime later, Pike had helped him paint some yellow flowers on the mule's backside. The mule, for his part, didn't seem to mind at all. He'd held still for the painting, and George had fed him oats and carrots. The mule had actually been somewhat reluctant to be returned his home team. He'd stubbornly refused to walk away from George, and ended up having to be pulled away rather roughly by the nose.

But that was George for you. He made and impression. And then you never wanted to leave his side.

_Just like Jimmy._

The opposing team had not been pleased_. _Neither had the Admiralty.

But George hadn't cared. He'd just kept right on being George.

Pike thought Jimmy had liked that story.

Pike didn't tell him about the wedding, or about the fact that he'd been on the _Kelvin_.

Jimmy didn't need to know those things yet. He'd had enough pain.

Pike arrived at his door and stepped in. He paced the length of his room, wondering what steps to take next. He had another briefing in the morning to discuss the headway the computer experts were making. As he paced, he found himself evaluating the size of the space allotted to him. Like all the command crew, he had the room to himself. He had a tiny sitting area with a desk, and a small bedroom. If he traded out his wall, you could fit two beds in here. If he moved his bed over now, then he was willing to bet he could squeeze in a cot.

Hmmm.

_Damn it, Chris._

He was getting ahead of himself again.

But then again....

No one in the command track was known for making slow decisions. Slow decisions made for slow action. And slow action could kill you in a fight.

Pike wondered when Jimmy was getting out of sickbay. Because the kid would need a place to sleep, right? And it might not be healthy for him to bunk with all the other kids. Because if Jimmy was going to heal, then he needed to be Just Jimmy. And not always the great and powerful JT.

Pike was going to have to talk to Adamson about this.

Because he wanted Jimmy to bunk with him.

As soon as the kid was better and ready to leave sickbay. He figured that Jimmy would be okay with it. The kid seemed to like him.

Better to do it now.

Pike slapped the comm and called sickbay. Adamson answered, and Pike explained his idea. And just as Pike had expected, Adamson loved the idea. Only he didn't wish to wait until Jimmy was better. Adamson wanted to move him now.

Jimmy was still weak, and still trying to gain weight, but Adamson thought that Jimmy would be much improved by the restoration of some form of normalcy.

Or what passed for it around here, anyway.

Pike was somewhat taken aback by the doctor's insistence. But apparently, the young patient did not sleep well under the best of circumstances, and Kirk woke every time someone entered or exited sickbay.

That made sense to Pike, actually. Jimmy had led what had amounted to an insurgence movement, and likely had had to be awake and alert at a moment's notice.

Now he needed to feel safe.

Pike could provide that.

Adamson wanted to move the boy tonight, but Pike really didn't have room. He didn't even have a couch to sleep on if he gave the boy his bed.

_Oh what the hell_. It wouldn't matter for one night.

Pike commed Gregory in Engineering; he explained his problem and even though Gregory was off for the next forty-eight hours, he came right up to Pike's cabin. The engineer took a few measurements and called in a few reinforcements. Several ensigns appeared a few minutes later bearing more equipment than Pike would have thought they could have carried given their number. They couldn't do much about the wall tonight, but at the end of an hour, Pike had another bunk installed in his cabin.

Pike found he liked the idea of having someone in his quarters.

It would be nice to not be lonely _all_ the time. _Damn it, man. Get a hold of yourself._

The beds lay at an L shape to each other, and Pike wasn't sure which one Jimmy would prefer. Both had advantages, strategically. One of the beds was against the wall, under the windows. This would allow the sleeper to have a view of the stars, but also to have their back to the wall, which would probably increase the sleeper's feeling of security. On the other hand, though, the other bed was positioned in such a way that the sleeper could see the door and most of the room. Most people felt more secure sleeping so that they could see the entrance of a room.

Pike made up the other bed identically to his own. Right now you couldn't tell which one he'd been sleeping in. That way the kid could pick. He wanted the boy to feel secure, after all.

He was hoping that the kid took the bed under the window though. It would allow the kid to see the stars. That might help him relax. And it would also give Pike the bed by the other wall, where he could see the whole room. It would allow him to protect the kid, should the need ever arise. He wanted Jimmy to feel protected, not like he had to be the protector.

Pike looked about his quarters to see if there was anything else he should move around. His eyes fell upon the trunk that he and Matt had carted up from the surface a week ago. Pike'd nearly forgotten it. In a small attempt to push off some subliminal messaging, Pike pushed the trunk to the foot of the bed beneath the window. He could always move it, if Jimmy really objected to that bed.

He stared down the box, wondering if he should open it. After tonight, he'd have no other opportunity to do so. Once the kid moved in, it would be his space too, and Pike was not going to violate what remained of his privacy.

Pike wondered what else was in there. He decided to leave it be.

Pike moved around the room straightening a little. He was generally very neat, so there was little to do. He was not a man who attached easily to things, so there was little in the room in terms of personality. There was a shelf of antique paper books, and on his desk sat one lonely succulent: a night blooming plant that reminded him of his desert home.

God, he missed it there.

Pike moved on the closet; as with the rest of his rooms, there was little enough in there. He had uniforms, of course, and a couple of outfits for shore leave, but he never seemed to acquire much. There was ample room for Jimmy to hang stuff up in here. He could easily give the boy a drawer as well.

He wondered if Jimmy had anything to add to the closet. It wasn't like the boy had many possessions. Maybe when the danger was over Pike could take him back to the cabin on the planet, and allow the kid to bring up anything he wanted. But for now, he was making sure Jimmy stayed on the ship.

Against his better judgment, Pike crossed back the boy's bed. He'd already ceased to think of the bunk under the window as anything but Kirk's. Pike stared at the trunk and then with hesitation, opened it.

He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't this. The trunk was nearly empty. It contained a chess set, a pale green threadbare sweater, and a photograph in a silver frame: George and Winona on their wedding day. Pike knew the picture well. He had taken it. It was an artistic black and white shot, that had caught the couple unawares, he'd snapped it just as a laughing Winona had flung herself into her husband's arms. Her head was thrown back, and smile had the radiance of a thousand suns. George's expression was open, laughing; everything George had always been.

Pike traced their expressions with his finger. God, he missed them. He replaced the photo reverently, hoping that some day Jimmy might bring it out again, and show it to him. As he put the picture back, Pike allowed his gaze to linger on the sweater. It had belonged to George, and Tiberius before him. It had been old the last time Pike had seen it, and that had been...well, a long while ago. It was soft, faded with age and use, but still serviceable. Pike smiled as he caressed it, and gently put it back down in the box. The chess set he did not recognize, but it was beautiful. The pieces were carved from jade and onyx; it was a work of incredible beauty. Pike wondered at the story behind it.

He shut the lid with a quiet thunk. It answered his question as to whether the kid had any clothes. Jimmy'd been beamed aboard wearing nothing but athletic shorts and one of Pike's own command jerseys. And those had likely been cut off him when he went into surgery. So the kid was stuck in medical scrubs for now. Pike would have the boy order up some new stuff from the replicator when he got settled in.

Well, that about did it. The room was pretty much ready. He placed the pile of holos he'd found under Jimmy's pillow on his desk, to give back to the kid.

Adamson commed a few seconds later to say that he had put Jimmy in a hover-chair and that the boy was ready to be moved. Adamson mentioned that he had not told the boy with whom he was moving in, only that he was moving. Apparently the doctor had intimated that boy would likely dislike his new roommate.

Well that was a possibility. Pike doubted the boy ever liked being strong armed.

But he wondered why Adamson hadn't had the kid moved before now if the doctor thought this was such a good idea.

_Because he wanted the kid to feel secure_, some internal voice supplied. _And Jimmy didn't typically trust adults. He'd had no reason to. _

Pike paced his room as he waited for the boy to arrive_. What if Jimmy didn't like it here? Relax, Chris, this isn't permanent, _he told himself._ But was it? Was it meant to be, or was it just a trial run?_

The door chimed. _Well, shit, this is it._

"Come," he called.

Adamson entered, pushing Jimmy's chair ahead of him. In the chair, Jimmy looked small and dimutive and he clasped his mother's quilt to himself as though it was a lifeline. Pike was standing out of sight from the door. The boy must have been feeling trepidation at the thought of staying with someone he did not know.

Pike stepped into view, and saw the boy's eyes widen.

The doctor winked at Pike and then said to Jimmy, "You'll be staying with Commander Pike, Mr. Kirk."

Jimmy's eyes were large and disbelieving; he whipped around to face the doctor,"Really?"

Adamson smiled. "Yes, really. I think you'll heal better if you're in real quarters than in sickbay, so I'm releasing you under a few medical restrictions."

Jimmy's smiled dimmed a bit. "Restrictions?"

"Yes, boy, restrictions." It might have been Pike's imagination but he thought Jimmy's expression went a little icy at the doctor's use of the word "boy." But Adamson continued as though he hadn't noticed.

He probably _hadn't_ noticed.

"You must get plenty of rest." Kirk nodded at that; he must have been expecting it.

"You must eat, and take ALL your nutritional hypos and immuno-boosters." Kirk nodded again, but this time, he grimaced. Pike hid a smile behind his hand. He hated hypos himself.

"For about a week yet, you may not walk more than a few steps on your own. Commander Pike will have to help you to the bathroom." Jimmy said nothing, but his expression was sullen. Pike wondered if maybe he and the doctor were pushing their luck.

"And finally, you are allowed NO visitors until I deem you ready." The doctor's expression and tone on this booked no argument.

Neither did Jimmy's. "WHAT?" he yelled. "No. I can't. I have to take care of my kids. I'm fine. I got through all this without your help. Starfleet wasn't here and we did just fine. You weren't here. We don't need you. I don't need you-"

He might have continued if Pike had not stepped in front of him. "JIM," he said. "You are a guest in my quarters, and you will not scream at the doctor, he is trying to do what's best for you."

Jimmy shut his mouth, but the look he bestowed on Pike was one that was black with rage.

Pike tried again, more quietly. "Jimmy, you have been very sick." The kid continued to glare. _Stubborn as his father._ He looked very much like George at that moment. Pike nearly smiled.

He continued speaking in his softer tone. "Right now, we have to get YOU better. Your kids are fine, and they have a whole new exciting spaceship to explore. They can concentrate on other things right now. But soon, that newness will wear off, and they may need you then. We're going to have to interview them about what they lived through and experienced. I need you to get better so you can help them for me. I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to be hard. They're going to need your help. I'm going to need your help. But I'm counting on you, Jimmy. I'm counting on you."

Jimmy met his gaze with the same assessing stare the boy had used on Pike the day they'd met. Pike could tell that he was being weighed and measured again. He hoped that Jimmy would not find him wanting. He willed himself not to look away, but to return the steady stare. After a long while, Jimmy spoke. "Okay."

That was all he said. _Okay_.

Pike showed the boy around the small set of quarters, and pointed out the closet and the restroom. He indicated the bed under the windows. "I thought you could have this one, if you want it." Pike was unaccountably nervous.

Was his voice shaking?

Jimmy looked at the bed. "Yeah."

Pike smiled. "Good." Why did he feel so relieved? It was only a bed.

But you made it for him and he likes it, he told himself.

Adamson beamed at Pike and told Jimmy that he would be getting checked on in the morning. Jimmy nodded solemnly as he agreed to the doctor's terms.

Well, it was going to be an interesting night anyway.

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Please review. There will be more soon.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer**: They aren't mine.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **It's a dark fic. But it will be getting lighter. And hooray! its another pretty fluffy chapter.

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**ALSO....**This whole story in general, and this chapter in specific, was inspired by** "I Won't Mind" by Audra McDonald.** Lyrics below. One of the best lullabies ever. You can look it up youtube, if you want.

_I won't mind, sitting by your cradle, singing to you softly, far into the night,_  
_I won't mind, playing peek a boo for hours, to see that look of wonder, wonder and delight,_  
_Soon they'll be asking, where is baby's nose, where is baby's shoe, where is baby's hat?_  
_Clever little boy, they'll say, Lizzie taught him that._

_I won't mind reading you a story, quaking like a duck, chirping like a bird,_  
_I won't mind, when you ask me to repeat it, till you can say with me, knowing every word_  
_You needn't worry if there's chocolate on your hands, jelly on your face, porridge on my skirt,_  
_Run to me and I'll be there, to hold you when you hurt._

_They'll say Auntie Lizzie can't say no,_  
_They'll say Auntie Lizzie's spoiling you,_  
_They'll say Auntie Lizzie's wrapped around your finger,_  
_I'll say yes, it's true._

_I won't mind, knowing that mother showers you with kisses, bakes your favorite bread,_  
_I won't mind, when I see your father lift you, fling you to his shoulders, high above my head._  
_They might be busy, I can take you skating, I can take you sledding, flying down a hill_  
_If they won't build a snowman, Auntie Lizzie will._

_They'll say Auntie Lizzie holds too tight,_  
_They'll say Auntie Lizzie can't let go,_  
_They'll say Auntie Lizzie's really not your aunt, anyway,_  
_You'll say no, that isn't so._

_In my heart, I will keep a secret, a clever little secret, hidden from the rest,_  
_In my dreams, you're my own, my very own, and I blanket you with you with love,_  
_as I hold you to my breast,_

_Lizzie, he's not yours,_  
_Lizzie, in his life, your part is very small,_

_But if one day a toy should break, or maybe playing patty-cake,_  
_You call me "Momma" by mistake,_

_I won't mind at all._

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Yeah, so can you see how it would have inspired the fiction? I hope so... It makes sense in my head. And that might have been my longest author's note ever. Sorry about that guys. And now, onto the fiction.

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Pike was grateful when Adamson finally left, after giving explicit instructions about how to lift and carry Jimmy, as well as information about his medications. The conversation left Jimmy decidedly red in the face. The kid was staring at his hands, twisting his blanket in his lap by the time the doctor left.

Pike showed Jimmy the room. Jimmy was adamant that he did not want a shower, likely because he knew that Pike would have to carry him there. Pike would not have minded, but he was also a little bit glad that that particular amount of awkwardness was being saved for tomorrow.

Jimmy stared hard at the trunk at the foot of his bed. "Is that...mine?"

Pike started and blushed. "Yeah, kid, it is."

Jimmy's eyes bulged; he seemed at a loss for words.

Pike nodded at him. "You were so intent upon retrieving whatever it was you wanted from that cabin. I thought that getting you your stuff might help you recover faster."

Jimmy still looked awestruck. He hadn't spoken yet. So Pike didn't speak either.

When Jimmy finally recovered his voice, he said, "So that explains how I got this," holding up a corner of his quilt.

"Yeah," Pike said.

Jimmy still looked lost. "But how did you know which was mine?"

Pike looked down. "I took Matt with me."

Jimmy's expression froze. "My Matt?"

Pike sighed. He knew his young charge wasn't going to like this. "Yes."

Jimmy's expression went from open to completely closed in less that two seconds. His eyes narrowed and his mouth pursed as the boy made his displeasure known. "You endangered his life. You shouldn't have done that. I only went there with you because I thought it was _safe_."

Jimmy spat the word safe as though it was a curse.

Pike bowed his head. "I know. I know you did. I thought it was, too. But I should have made sure. I'm sorry that you got hurt, Jimmy, I really am. But when I took Matt back with me, he was safe. I promise you. I took an entire security team with us when I took him to the cabin. I set up a perimeter, and we kept Matt inside it at all times. We were not attacked or threatened at all. No harm came to him. He's here on the ship and I can arrange for you to have a short visit with him, if you need to see him to make sure he's alright." This time, Pike didn't fold to Jimmy's stare. He met the boy's eyes and stared back into them.

_Come on, kid, trust me. You're gonna have to start trusting adults soon if this is gonna work out._

Jimmy met his stare and looked into his eyes. The boy had a disturbing habit of doing that. It was a disquieting habit. It always made Pike feel like he was being judged. Jimmy eventually nodded, as he had every other time. "It's okay, Commander Pike, I trust you. If you say that Matt's okay, then Matt's okay."

Pike wanted to sag with relief. The kid trusted him. It was a step in the right direction. He smiled. "We talked about you using the C-word."

Jimmy laughed. "Chris."

Pike nodded and smiled, but then grew slightly more serious. He leaned forward, looking the boy in the eyes. "You're aren't one of my subordinates, Jimmy. I don't work over you. You've already proved yourself to be quite a leader, and I don't need you to use my rank. I was good friends with both of your parents. Call me Chris, please. You've earned it."

This time the eyes that met Pike's were not assessing, not judging. They were wide and wondrous and accompanied by a small genuine smile and faint blush. "Okay, Chris," he said. And then he looked away, down at the floor, but when the boy looked up again, he met Chris's gaze with such a ferocious smile that that time Pike had to look away.

"Thank you for keeping Matt safe," Jimmy said. It was voiced in a tone so quiet that Pike wasn't sure he'd heard it.

He crossed the room, and put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "You're welcome," he said.

They stayed that way for a few awkward moments, and then Jimmy yawned and Pike cleared his throat, and the moment broke. Jimmy's yawn reminded Pike that the boy was still recovering, and needed sleep. Pike helped Jimmy into the bathroom and assisted the kid in putting on his pajamas. The boy elected to sleep without a shirt, as he said he wasn't used to it. Pike awkwardly tucked him into bed, and was somewhat surprised when Jimmy allowed it.

The boy drifted off shortly after.

Pike watched Jimmy sleep. He looked so young, so small. The kid was still too thin, too malnourished. It pulled at Pike's heart just to look at him. But the face... the face could have belonged to any child his age. Asleep, you couldn't see the age in the boy's eyes. Asleep, the boy looked...like a child. Unable to resist the urge, Pike carded his fingers through the boy's hair. He could have been any kid until you looked at his back. True to form Jimmy was sleeping on his stomach again. The scars gleamed silver in the starlight. Pike, who had sworn he would not do this, ever, moved closer, to examine the stripes closer up.

They were remarkably even.

They were too even.

Someone had taken a great deal of care to make sure that Jimmy was stripped evenly. It could have been a chess board.

Pike's stomach heaved. It was only with great strength of will that he prevented himself from vomiting.

He just...stared. He was going to kill someone.

His hands tightened and Jimmy whimpered in his sleep.

Pike drew back as if burned. The kid was dreaming.

Pike couldn't even begin to guess the many possible things the kid was dreaming of. Famine? Torture? Kodos? Executions?

_Shit._

Jimmy didn't wake, but continued to whimper, his hands fisting in the blankets. "Mom."

Jimmy wasn't dreaming of Kodos. He was dreaming of his mother.

Pike was beside him in a flash; he could not resist. He slid onto the bed, and pulled the kid roughly into his arms, one hand rubbing circles onto the boy's back, the other pawing through the golden hair. The boy tensed, waking and tried to pull away, as he fought for composure. But Pike held him fast against his chest, and cradled him tightly. They both needed this.

Jimmy broke.

Pike had been expecting it, but he was still unprepared for the torrent of emotion the boy unleashed. Jimmy cried as though his life depended on it. He wailed. He even screamed.

Pike just held him. And rocked him.

And when the boy was exhausted and snuffling and quiet, still Pike held him. He had known that the boy would have to release the flood of emotions inside himself at some point. Pike was just glad that Jimmy trusted him enough to do it in his presence.

His shirt was covered in snot and tears, and possibly some other things. Pike didn't mind.

He shifted Jimmy more fully into his arms, and rocked further. Pike had never done this for anyone before, but he found it wasn't that difficult. In fact, it had been surprisingly easy.

Pike noticed at some point much later, that Jimmy had drifted back to sleep. As he looked down at the sleeping face, Pike thought he ought to lower the boy back onto his bed, but he couldn't seem to make his hands let go. Instead he shifted Jimmy closer against his chest and settled himself against the kid's pillows.

Pike figured he might as well stay. He didn't want Jimmy to have another nightmare and wake up alone or anything.

* * *

So what do you think? Let me know?


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer**: They aren't mine.

**Warnings…**just like before.** Torture. Genocide. Language. **You should know the drill by now. I'm giving you some plot exposition here, so that you can know what's going on planet side, but I still want the focus of the story to stay on Pike and Jimmy.

And this one of the longest chapters I've ever written. Sorry you had to wait so long for it.

* * *

The morning came far too early for Pike's liking; he was stiff in places he hadn't known he had. He blinked the sleep from his eyes, and looked around blearily. Jimmy was still held tight in his arms, cuddled against his chest, one hand tangled in Winona's quilt. He looked much younger when he was asleep. It spoke volumes about how much Jimmy trusted Pike that he had not moved away during the night. Pike felt a surge of protectiveness shoot through his chest, as he petted Jimmy's blond hair.

He was keeping this one.

Pike didn't care how. It didn't matter if he had to resign to do it. He was keeping Jimmy. God, had he even just made that decision?

Pike shook his head. He needed to think about this. If it was really going to be a possibility, then he needed to make some plans for it, before ....well before anything actually.

But there were plans to make.... Later.

Right now he needed a shower and a change of uniform. He gently lifted Jimmy off his chest and transferred him to the bed. Pike was careful to keep him face down. He didn't want Jimmy to wake up on his back or anything. The kid snuffled a little in his sleep, reaching to keep his grip on Pike, but Pike's hand in his hair seemed to sooth the boy back into a full state of sleep, his hand still fisted in Pike's tunic. Pike smiled at Jimmy, _God, Chris, you've got it bad_, before disengaging the grip from his shirt and heading for the bathroom.

The shower was hot and exactly what he needed; it loosened some of the stress in his shoulders. He pulled on a fresh uniform and walked back into his cabin, where his eyes went immediately to his young charge. Jimmy was sound asleep, face to the window. He was curled in a tight ball, the quilt mostly hanging off of him. Pike pulled the quilt over the boy's scarred back and allowed himself to touch the boy's hair again. It was just like George's had been. The same exact color. His eyes were exactly like George's also. But the boy's features were more fragile than George's had been. Pike could see Winona in him too. He was definitely both their son.

_Enough wool gathering, Christopher, you have work to do._

Pike tugged the quilt upwards and carefully covered Jimmy's shoulders. Pike put his hand against Jimmy's forehead to assure himself that the boy still had no fever. Jimmy felt fine to Pike, but he was moving restlessly. Pike crossed to the selection of hypos left by Dr. Adamson, and picked up one of the sedatives to which the doctor had said the boy was not allergic. Pike pressed it gently to the boy's neck and watched him settle slowly into a deeper sleep. He knew that Jimmy could use the extra sleep. Pike glanced at the other hypos in the set, and selected one of the vitamin boosters. He gently pressed that against Jim's neck also, and was relieved to see that it did not apparently disturb the boy's slumber. Pike checked the quilt one last time before turning on the lullaby Adamson had returned to him. Pike set it to repeat and left the cabin.

He had a staff meeting this morning about the situation on the planet below. After retrieving his coffee, he settled himself at the head of the table and put Jimmy from his mind temporarily. "Any issues before we begin?" he said.

One of the ensigns near the back of the room raised a hand. "We have a small situation, Commander. " Pike vaguely recognized her as one of the people assigned to monitor the children. Jimmy's children.

"Oh?"

"Many of the children have been hiding or hoarding food," she said.

Pike's eyebrows rose. "I think that makes sense, given the circumstances." He couldn't exactly get upset over something like that.

She nodded. "But its inconvenient. They aren't hiding just non perishables. Some of the food is rotting, commander, and we're finding it all over the ship."

Pike knew he should take this seriously. But he couldn't. He tried very hard to stifle his laugh. "Is this all the kids? Or just the younger ones?"

She hesitated. "We aren't sure, sir. They're reluctant to trust us." Of course they are. Pike was surprised they were trusting anybody.

"I'll talk to Jimmy about it," he said. Whatever it was that had bothered them, Pike was willing to bet that Jimmy could sort it out. "In the mean time, maybe give the kids food in small doses. Don't refuse them food or anything, but only give them as much as they can eat in one sitting. If they want more than that, give them a bag of something that won't spoil. If it makes them feel secure to hoard it somewhere, then let them. It's the least we can do. I'm sure they'll stop eventually."

"Yes, commander." She nodded at him, and then she looked slightly hesitant.

"Is there something else?" Pike asked.

She didn't respond immediately. "Well, sir, a lot of the kids...they want to know about how JT is doing. They seem especially reluctant to take our word where he is concerned. What should we tell them?"

Pike smiled. "You can tell them that he's doing well, and he should be back up and about in a few days. They may have my word. You can even say that I will come down and talk to them about him. I think they'll accept that. " Pike didn't blame them for being wary. He also didn't blame them for wanting to know about Jimmy. Pike was already loathe to let the kid out of his sight, and he hadn't know Jimmy nearly as long as any of the children.

"Is that everything not on the agenda?" Pike asked. As there were no replies, he decided to move on. They had a lot of ground to cover today. Literally and figuratively. It was going to be a long meeting, and Pike had to beam back down the planet.

"Security. Report."

Lieutenant Daniels, Chief of Security, spoke up. "We have finished combing the governors mansion, commander. We have confiscated Kodos' personal computer, and have some hopes as to ascertaining his identity."

"Good. That's excellent news."

"Yessir. Further it has given us some leads as to where the governor may currently be hiding." Well, that was definitely good news. "But the security on it is formidable, and we've tripped some flags in it that have caused the encryption to increase."

Pike thought about it for a moment. "Can you hack it yourselves or would you like me to assign some people from the science section to help you?"

The man looked thoughtful. "We can try, sir, but a little help would never go amiss."

Pike smiled. Help seldom did. Maybe he'd assign someone from tactical as well. And possibly engineering. Pike wanted that computer to open like a flower.

"Any thing else?" Pike asked.

"Yessir. We have secured over seventy percent of the colony. Some of Kodos forces remain in hiding in the mountains, but we think we have gotten the majority of them. We are now concentrating our efforts on locating Kodos and his personal guard. This is hindered by some extent by the fact we don't know who he was or what he looked like."

Pike grunted. "I know someone that does."

Daniels looked startled. "I know some of the kids have seen him, but we weren't sure about the veracity of their recollections...." He trailed off. He must have seen the storm brewing on Pike's face, because he back pedaled quickly. "I mean, those kids, they've been through a lot...and we didn't want to make it worse."

Pike nodded, the furor in him backing off somewhat. When had he gotten so protective that he started taking person offense to insults directed Jimmy? "You can send someone to my cabin, and have them talk to Jim about it. I know that he's seen Kodos: maybe he'll know which of the other ones have as well. You can take all of their recollections and put a composite together."

Daniels looked mollified. "Good idea, sir."

Pike nodded. He'd thought so, or he wouldn't have suggested it. "Anything further?"

Daniels shook his head, so Pike figured it was time to move on to the science division. He wanted to know more about the fungus that had caused the crop failure. A blue shirted man stepped forward to explain what they'd learned about the blight so far. It was completely lethal. You couldn't eat the plant once it had been infected or you would be subject to death by slow poisoning. It was a perfect fungus, seemingly almost engineered to attack that specific kind of tritacaline.

Pike heard something in that. "Was it engineered?" he snapped.

The science officer looked around nervously. "We aren't sure, sir. It might have been. It's awfully perfect. But we don't know why...."

Neither did Pike. He couldn't think of any reason anyone would want to purposely infect the colony. They had no resources. It made no sense. He squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Well, look into it. Anything else?"

The science officer shook his head.

"Communications, what've you got?" Pike wanted to get this over with. He had a hell of a headache. And he still had to meet with the captain and the press later today.

Communications officer Wells, was one of the most interesting looking humanoids Pike had ever seen. She was Andorian by birth, but had been adopted by a human family at some point in her life. She dressed and carried herself like a human would. It was ...disconcerting. But still she was a capable and competent officer, and the crew liked here. Her voice was quiet and lilting, and had an odd, ethereal quality to it. "I have managed to get messages out to the families of most of the children, sir. All except James Kirk."

Pike's stomach clenched. "Yeah, there's uh, ...no one left to notify. All his family is dead."

"So he'll become a ward of Starfleet. I will notify the office of-"

"You can belay that, Lieutenant." Pike growled. He _actually_ growled at her. _Get a grip, Chris. She's not trying to take him away from you_. And it was that thought more than anything that brought home to him exactly how deep he was in.

She actually flinched backwards. "But sir, standard protocol dictates..." She trailed off, likely uncertain as to whether she really wanted to be arguing with him in this mood.

"I am aware. I have filed papers for temporary custody of Mr. Kirk until such time as we can figure out what do with him."

Why the hell had he said that? He'd done no such thing. But he couldn't allow Jimmy to be sent to an orphanage. Not after everything the kid had already been through. Although, thinking about it-it would make decisions about what to do with him somewhat easier for the time being. He'd have to actually file those papers immediately after this meeting, though. Ugh.

"Is there anything else?" Pike nearly spat the question, he wanted to be out of this meeting now. His migraine was growing by the second.

"The press corp keep asking when they'll be allowed access to the planet and the survivors," Wells began tentatively. Yeah... it was definitely a big headache now. Pike hated reporters.

"Tell them I'll answer as many of their questions as I can at this afternoon's briefing."

She nodded. "Very well, sir."

"Good. Anybody have anything to add?" Pike asked.

They shook their heads.

"Very well, dismissed." As they stood and headed out, Daniels stopped Pike with a hand on his arm.

"Sir."

"Yes, Daniels what is it."

The other man looked uncharacteristically hesitant. "Sir, we... we found this in the mansion."

Daniels held out a small box, about twelve inches square, made of some kind of dark wood. There was an antique clasp on the front, for a look which security had obviously broken. Pike raised his eyebrows at Daniels.

"Open it, sir."

Pike opened it to find a collection of letters and holos. One of the envelopes bore the letters _**JTK**_. Pike looked again at Daniels for explanation.

"They're records. Medical, academic...and some other things." He glanced at the envelope still in Pike's hand. The way he'd said other things made Pike's stomach plummet. "We haven't looked at that one, sir. I knew how you felt about the kid, so..."

Pike nodded, his stomach tight. This could be the key to what Kodos wanted with Jimmy. He forced himself to swallow. "Okay. Thanks. Lieutenant, I appreciate your coming to me with it. "

Daniels nodded, looking relieved. "I just...I thought some of it...might be private, sir."

Some of it certainly might be.

Pike returned the envelope to the box and set it aside for a moment. He had some paperwork to fill out, after all.

* * *

When he returned to his quarters later that morning, he found Jimmy sitting up in bed, apparently on a holo conference to another part of the ship. Pike raised his eyebrows. He didn't remember having allowed Jimmy access to the computer. He shook his head; he probably ought to have expected this. Any twelve year old that could play double agent, steal a disruptor and carve out a niche for thirty kids, probably wouldn't have a hard time hacking a computer terminal. Jimmy was talking animatedly to someone on the other end, who Pike could only assume was one other kids. He noticed that Jimmy had managed to program the replicator to spit out something in his size as well, as his torso was fully covered to the neck. He was being careful to hide his scars from the person on the other end, Pike thought.

Instead of acting chagrined at being caught, Jimmy bestowed upon Pike a smile so brilliant, it took his breath away for a moment. That was how every child ought to look. That was how Jimmy ought to look. It was an expression the likes of which he hadn't yet seen on Jimmy's face. If it took the rest of his life, Pike was going to see _this_ boy smile like _that_ again.

Despite himself, Pike smiled back. He ought to be chastising the little bugger for hacking his system, but really, he couldn't help but be impressed by the kids ingenuity. Jimmy was used to making due for himself. Pike couldn't, wouldn't punish him for that.

"Gotta go, Matt," Jimmy said. "Pike's back. Tell Tom and the others that I'm fine, and I'll be out soon."

Pike spoke up. "Don't make it sound like you're in prison."

Jimmy beamed at him as he signed off the comm. "Might as well be. " The words were bitter, but the tone was light, so Pike didn't figure that Jimmy was too mad.

Pike grunted, trying to prevent his smile. "You'll be allowed out soon. I just want you to be a little stronger."

"I know." Jimmy said, for once not pushing for an argument. "You filed for custody of me," Jimmy said. He said it flatly, without emotion. Kid could have been a Vulcan for all the emotional control he had sometimes.

Pike started. He shouldn't have been surprised that Jimmy knew that, but he was. "Do you have a flag on your file, or something?"

"Yeah," the kid said, looking sheepish. "You tripped it when you sent the application."

"What? Really?" Pike was astonished. He'd been joking when he asked Jimmy that. He hadn't know the kid was that good of a hacker. Getting into a locked terminal was one thing. Flagging records at Starfleet protective services was completely another.

"Yeah, um, I put it there right after mom died. When she sent me to live with Aunt Margot, we had a bunch of offers of people to adopt where people wanted me because of my dad."

Of course they had. Who wouldn't want to raise the child of one of the Federation's greatest heroes? They wouldn't know a thing about Jimmy, but what did that matter. Gods-had those people been stupid enough to site George as a reason for their application?

God Damn it. Pike cursed himself. He should have checked on Winona earlier.

"I'm sorry."

Jimmy shrugged, looking away. "No big deal. But I flagged my file so that I could see people who applied before they got custody."

Pike raised an eyebrow. He'd have to remember to not ever underestimate this one. "You deny those applications too?" Judging from what Kirk had already told him, the kid might have been capable of it.

Jimmy shrugged again. That meant yes. After a few minutes, Jimmy spoke. "Only a couple. People from Starfleet that I didn't know personally. And Kodos."

Pike stared. "Kodos."

Jimmy nodded.

"Kodos wanted to adopt you?" If someone had turned Pike's brain off with a switch, he felt he still wouldn't have been more struck dumb than he was right now.

"I don't know about adoption. But he wanted to be responsible for me, yeah. And he tried." Jimmy wouldn't meet his eyes. Pike didn't know what had happened to the kid, but he looked like whatever this existed between him and Kodos, Jimmy felt responsible for it.

Pike crossed the room and dropped to his knees; he looked deep into the too blue eyes. So like George. "Hey. Hey....it's okay, Jimmy. Whatever happened, its okay. It's not your fault."

Jimmy just exploded. "Don't say it's not my fault, you weren't there. You don't know." The kid was screaming, throwing everything in reach.

Pike started, momentarily taken aback by the child's fury. Not knowing what else to do, he swept the kid into his arms, and held him tight, restraining the flailing arms against the still too-thin frame. Pike could still feel the bones of every limb and every rib through the boy's sweater. It pained him more than the force of Jimmy's blows, which weren't weak by any stretch of the imagination.

Winona must have taught him to punch and jab, Pike thought wryly. He smiled despite himself.

At some point, Jimmy's furious tantrum released into sobbing, which was no less furious. It seemed Jimmy Kirk did nothing halfway. Pike continued to restrain the boy against his chest until the worst of the heaving stopped. He stroked the boy's back, as he had the night before, and murmured about how everything would be alright. God, Pike thought, I'm ridiculously out of my depth. Someone else should be doing this. But that was you felt in any emergency. Until you realized that no help would be forthcoming. Then you took a deep breath and dealt with it yourself. So that was what Pike did. Eventually, after quite a long time of hysterics and hiccuping, Jimmy relaxed into a sort of wakeful sleep, as Pike cradled him against his stomach.

Pike ran his hands through Jimmy's hair. He wondered how many of these emotional breakdowns he was in for, not that he blamed the kid for needing to vent. God knows he'd been through hell. "You still with me, kiddo?"

Jimmy nodded, drowsily.

Pike continued stroking Jimmy's hair. "So...I tripped your flag."

"Yeah." Jimmy's answers were sluggish and half asleep. Pike didn't wonder. This was the longest the kid had been up since he'd been transported to sickbay.

"And....?" Pike desperately wondered what Jimmy thought of his attempt for custody.

"I put it through." The boy's voice was so soft that Pike barely heard him.

"What did you say, Jimmy?" Pike tried (and failed) to prevent his heart from racing. Why did this matter so much?

The kid was barely awake, but he somehow found the strength to say again. "I put it through." Jimmy was slurring his words now.

"Why?" Pike asked. He'd honestly been expecting rejection, or at least a fight about this.

It took Jimmy a little while to answer. He snuffled quietly against Pike's shirt. "You're okay. You're nice to me...and you watched out for my kids and stuff....got hurt protectin' me... " Jimmy trailed off.

"Jim?" Pike asked.

"I figured we could try it out," Jimmy said.

_Well, alright then._

Pike looked down a few seconds later and found Jimmy sound asleep on his chest. He smiled fondly at the bright head and pressed a gentle kiss against the golden hair. _Try it out, indeed. _

Whatever Jimmy might feel, Pike already knew he was in this for keeps._  
_

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Please read and review. I like reviews. I haven't been getting many of them lately, and it makes me wonder if my writing has gone all to crap and no one wants to tell me. Man up and tell me, people.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: THIS CHAPTER IS VERY HEAVY. THERE IS VERY LITTLE FLUFF. To answer some questions that have come up, in no particular order.... I"m saying the car incident happened when Jimmy was eight (maybe he was tall for his age)....just go with it. Also Pike is from the Mojave desert area, as per the Star Trek movie website (and TOS). TOS stands for The Original Series. I am not planning on taking this exact story through the movie, because that would be a wicked long fic, but I can write you guys a sequel from this same universe. However, I won't be starting till after I finish this one. We'll see, it may just end up a wicked long fic.

Longest chapter. Ever.

If you don't like plot spoilers then attempt to not read the warnings for this chapter.

This chapter's almost exclusively plot exposition. Sorry. It has to go somewhere. In the TOS episode Conscience of the King, they mention that Kodos picked those to live and die according to eugenics. Also this chapter references the episode The Trouble with Tribbles. (No Tribbles were harmed in the making of this chapter. No tribbles were included in the making of this chapter, actually.)

Disclaimer. I don't own them. Obviously.

Warnings for this chapter. (And some of these are new)...Torture. Genocide. Child abuse. Implied possible Rape. Implied possible Sexual assault. Implied possible Non-con. None of this is graphic, but it gets mentioned.

* * *

And now....we open the box....

* * *

It was not as easy as Pike thought it would be to explain to Captain Moritari why he was adopting Jim Kirk. The captain was...hostile to the idea, to say the least. As it was decision that would affect his status on the ship (being in charge of a dependent), Pike was required to inform his immediate chain of command of his decision. Technically, he should have done it before filing the paper work for temporary custody, but since he'd only filed for temporary custody, it wasn't a huge deal. Besides, he could file for full custody when they returned to Earth for leave.

In this case, the chain of command Pike was required to inform was his captain and the first officer. Moritari made his displeasure plain, while Commander El Sayed smiled at him the whole time. So she was on board, at least. She liked kids. And Jimmy would probably like her. Pike was confused about Moritari's attitude though. The captain had been the one to suggest to him that it would be a shame if Jimmy had no where to go.

Moritari sighed. "You understand, Commander Pike, that the boy is likely to have lifelong authority issues?"

"Yessir. But he listens to me." Pike said. Well, Jimmy did listen...most of the time. Well, some of the time.

"I will not have him running wild or throwing tantrums on my ship." Moritari growled.

"He won't, sir. I promise you that." Just so long as you don't mind him hacking your security systems, we'll all get along fine, Pike thought.

Moritari was definitely in rare form today as far as bad moods were concerned. "You'll be exclusively responsible for him while he's here. "

Pike nodded. "I understand, sir."

Moritari stared at Pike for a few moments. Pike met his gaze without flinching. The captain had nothing on Jimmy Kirk for assessing gazes. Pike did wonder though, why the captain was being such a bastard, when El Sayed caught his eye. She was giving the captain a look of extreme sympathy. Pike wondered at that. There must be something more going on that he didn't know about.

"Very well," Moritari said, finally breaking his gaze, "I approve. Dismissed."

Pike felt light headed with relief...it would have been a hassle to go around the captain to keep Jim.

Mara El-Sayed walked him out. Pike looked at her and sighed with relief. "For a minute there, I thought that was going to be really difficult."

She eyed him thoughtfully. "I'm glad he agreed. But don't be too hard on him, Chris. What I'm about to tell you isn't common knowledge, but his son was killed on a starship when the boy was younger; the boy was only there as an observer when a maintenance coil blew and took out the bulkhead. He would have been about Jimmy's age, I think. The captain, in his own way, was probably hoping to protect you."

Pike nodded, but didn't respond. He wondered if he would survive Jimmy's death now that he wanted to keep the kid. Probably not as well as Moritari had. He wondered how the captain had stayed in the service. Then again, he wondered that about Win when George had died.

Mara studied him thoughtfully. "We all find ways to carry on," she said.

Pike nodded. "Indeed we do."

Later that night, alone on the observation deck, Pike fought to keep his fingers from shaking as he opened the clasp of the box. He hesitated. He wasn't sure that he really wanted to know what was in here. He ran his fingers through his hair as he stalled. Any of the ship's other senior officers could override his lock, but he doubted they would do so. He'd made it pretty clear that he wanted privacy. He wanted, no, he needed, to be alone to do this. Pike didn't have any idea what he'd find when he opened this box, but it was pretty clear that whatever it was, he wasn't going to want it to be common knowledge.

Well, here goes, he thought. And before he could stop himself, he opened the box.

The envelopes were still there. Just as they had been this morning. Pike sighed. He removed the one labeled JTK. He used his thumb to slit the sealed part open and wondered about what he'd find. Almost all of the information was about Jimmy in some way. His school records previous to Tarsus were included. He'd done pretty well, but Pike imagined the kid was likely bored a lot. Jimmy had clearly skipped a couple grades and was definitely doing work above his level.

Jimmy's medical records were also present. Damn, these would have been helpful a few days ago. The kid was allergic...to everything. Shellfish, nuts, wheat....shit, what _could_ the boy eat? Pike would have to keep this list in mind. Pike peered at the list and noticed that Jimmy had had quite a few injuries for a while when he was younger. Well, the kid did seem to have a knack for getting in trouble....it would be just like Jimmy to get into a few scrapes. Pike smiled despite himself; he remembered what it had been like to be a kid. But he scanned the list anyway, to see if any of the injuries would present lasting problems. But as Pike read, his trepidation grew. Broken arm (well that happened), broken leg (could be explainable), broken ribs, lacerated lung, punctured spleen, broken nose, black eyes. Fractures to both eye sockets. Jimmy had been admitted to the hospital for that set of injuries. Oh god, no...not again...what the hell had been going on?

Well, Jimmy wasn't the only person on the ship with hacking skills. It only took Pike half an hour to worm his way into the Iowa police files.

The boy's stepfather had evidently taken the kid for treatment after a fall down the stairs. Yeah, fall my ass, Pike thought. No one fell onto both sides of their face at once. Something which the doctors had evidently noticed. They had apparently tried to question Jimmy about the nature of his injuries, but the kid had refused to talk. So the doctor had called the authorities. Because among the marks on the child's body was a hand print shaped bruise on his abdomen. The stepfather had been arrested and Winona had been recalled from her mission off world. Pike wondered how long she'd been away. He paused the medical records and had the computer look up Winona Kirk's service record in Starfleet.

All of the injuries happened while she was off planet. And she'd never been gone for more than a month at a time. Just long enough for the bruises to heal. Maybe she hadn't known about it. That might explain why she hadn't taken action.

She'd married the man when Jimmy was five. And she'd divorced him when Jimmy was eight, apparently as soon as she'd found out about the bastard abusing her son. She'd pressed charges too. Good for her. So her ex-husband had gone to jail for aggravated assault and attempted murder, and the next time Winona went to space, she took her son with her.

Pike looked the man in the records of the Iowa's penal system...Frank Levitson had only been out of prison about six weeks. So that explained the man's hostility to Jimmy when Pike had commed him earlier.

That made Pike wonder. What had Winona done with the farm? Pike had always loved going there with George. His roommate had often taken him home on breaks during their time at the academy. Now he was curious. Pike put the information about Frank on hold and looked up the Kirk property. It was to be held in trust by the state and would revert to Jimmy when he reached his majority. Well, that made sense. But it left the kid little in the way of assets before he turned eighteen. But the setup would have prevented anyone one else from accessing the land. Well, that wasn't really a problem though. Pike had a pretty decent salary and no one to spend it on save himself. He could care for Jim's needs rather easily. That made him wonder though, if Jimmy had been raised in Iowa, would he even like the desert? Cause Pike sure missed it.

The article provided the name of the firm holding the deed to the land, and Pike copied it to his Padd so he could remember to contact the firm when the temporary custody papers came through. He wondered whether he ought to just file for full custody. Maybe he should ask the kid. Jimmy had only said he wanted to try it out. He hadn't mentioned wanting to keep Pike around forever or anything. Maybe he wouldn't want.... Pike sighed and pushed his hands through his hair. This day had been too long already.

So Kodos had probably known that Jimmy had been abused as a child. What use could that be to him, Pike wondered. Their was a copy of Winona's death certificate. Pike hadn't been expecting that. It had been printed out on real paper, and appeared to have been crumpled slightly. The edges of the sheet had dirty finger prints on it, and Pike compared the size of the prints to his own, he realized they must be Jimmy's. Curious.

Why would Kodos have a _paper copy_ of Win's death certificate. And how had it gotten Jimmy's fingerprints?

Pike shook his head. He was hating this box more by the minute. How had Kodos gotten a hold of all this shit? He'd clearly been obsessed with Jimmy for a very long time. Pike was starting to get a sinking, sick feeling about all this. Kodos was clearly obsessed, and in Pike's mind obsession was never a good thing.

He got up and stretched and took a swig of whiskey from the flask he'd thought to bring with him. Pike hadn't known why, but he'd thought liquor would be necessary tonight. It was a good thing he'd already told Jimmy he'd be late; he didn't want the kid to see him like this. Hell he didn't want anyone to see him like this. And he wasn't even halfway through the box. Pike was afraid to take it back to his quarters. He didn't want Jimmy to recognize it.

There were a number of unlabeled envelopes containing holos. They were organized only by date as far as Pike could see. He pulled one at random from an early envelope and looked at it. Jimmy doing homework. It was some kind of surveillance feed. Nothing interesting going on. Pike sped it up, and recognized the setting. Jimmy playing chess. (He won every game he played, Pike noticed with a smile.) Jimmy sleeping. Jimmy showering. Pike's stomach rolled over.

God, had Kodos wanted Jimmy...like that? Please God no. The kid had been through enough. Oh please god no. But maybe...the feed monitored everything that Jimmy did that week. Maybe Kodos had only been keeping an eye on Jimmy. Maybe....Pike pulled the disk out and threw it back into the envelope. He was tempted to burn it. But it be needed later...as evidence.

_If Kodos had touched his kid.... _Blood would be spilled._  
_

Pike's vision flared red at the edges and he fought to get himself under control. Whatever had happened, it was obvious that Jimmy felt guilty about it. That was common enough among victims of assault and torture. Pike sighed. He couldn't let Jimmy see him while he was still so angry. Pike didn't need the boy to blame himself for anything else.

Pike forced his trembling hands to still as withdrew a new disc from a different envelope. This one was a different color from the others, but it was completely unmarked. It had only two data files in it. One labeled JK, and the other unlabeled. Pike pulled the one with the kids initials on it and fed it into the computer. The first image on it was a bio-organic chemical structure. It was complicated. Pike stared hard at it, and decided it was a form of grain...wheat, maybe, but genetically modified. Pike pulled up the specifics of the report. God, in Heaven, it was nearly perfect. It had been modified somehow to be nearly disease resistant, no fungus, no virus could touch it. The proteins that formed the outermost cellular layer were nearly impenetrable to kind of invasive particle. The author detailed the weakness of traditional grains and had attempted to created a hybrid absent the weakness of any of its parents. Pike had never been a botanist, but looking at the molecule onscreen, Pike was sure he might have known what love at first sight felt like. It would mean an end to nearly all famine, including the one that had just destroyed the planet below. He shook his head, thinking that if they'd only gotten this in time, the colonists could have modified their crops....

Pike searched for some reason that Kodos might have kept this file in the box, wondering what the creator of the grain called Tritacaline would have to do with Jimmy. And then, Pike found it. The report had been submitted by James T. Kirk (age twelve) to the Governor's Board for a grant to the Tarsus school. Pike sat back and closed his eyes. He'd known the boy was smart, but he was a little bit blown away by this. God, the kid had to be a certifiable genius. GENIUS. How was Pike ever going to keep him occupied? Pike wondered how much of the boy's research and conclusions were legitimate. As far as Pike could see, Jimmy had submitted only a preliminary report, and this nearly a year before the crops failed, so he might not have had time to do the actual research on the project before everything went to hell. Pike made a copy of file and sent it to the science department asking them to check the facts. If it was as fail safe as it looked, then the kid was headed for a huge award and a fair amount of money, because Pike was going to publish it. Maybe he'd publish it without telling the kid, and surprise him when the awards came.

Pike shook his head. So...the report may have been what drew Kodos to Jimmy. Pike was pretty sure that no one reading the report could come away from it with anything other than awe for the mind that had created it.

Pike grabbed the other chip and stuck it in the computer. This was another organic compound, but it wasn't like the first. It was more...simple. Pike stared at it a long time before realizing what it was. The fungus. And the longer Pike stared at it, the easier it was to recognize. Kodos had taken Jimmy's report and used the weaknesses the kid found in the grain. The fungus was designed to exactly attack the weakness of wheat, rice and rye. Pike allowed his eyes to close. He sent a copy of the fungus's structure to the science department along with another copy of Jimmy's report. He'd see what they could make of it. There had to be a reason that Kodos had created it.

Why the hell would anyone want to do that? Why would you ever design a disease to attack a food supply? Pike couldn't think of a reason. He rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. No wonder Jimmy felt guilty. His research project had allowed the research that created the fungus. Well, Pike wasn't going to let the kid feel guilty about that. Jimmy's research on the Tritacaline could save hundred of thousands, if not millions of lives and Pike was going to make sure that Jim Kirk knew it.

Pike wasn't sure he wanted to look anything else in this damn box. But...he had to know.

The rest of the contents of the box were all holos and data files. There was a very elaborate file of of the trap Kodos had set to catch Jimmy. It was brilliant in its knowledge and audacity. Kodos had taken three children and tied them to posts in the courtyard. He given the kids a death sentence for the next morning and then he waited for Jimmy to come that night and release them. And come he had. Kodos's guard had caught him and dragged before the governor. It had taken some doing, too, the kid hadn't gone without a fight. Pike recognized Winona's right cross in Jimmy's fighting style. When the guard finally subdued the boy, the took him to Kodos. As near as Pike could make out, Kodos hadn't been certain that Jimmy was betraying him until that moment. His rage was palpable. Then again, so was Jimmy's.

He glared at Kodos and spat, "You would kill three kids to catch me?"

Kodos narrowed his eyes and responded, "I would kill three hundred kids to capture you." Jimmy spat in Kodos face. Kodos backhanded him so hard that the kid fell backwards into the arms of his captors. "You will tell me where to find those you have aided." The kid was already way too thin.

"Go fuck yourself." Pike was surprised at the vehemence the boy demonstrated. Jimmy then switched languages and proceeded to Kodos exactly what he could do with himself in most of the main languages of the Federation. Some of his suggestions were quite...inventive, and possibly anatomically impossible. Pike was pretty nearly impressed. The kid might look like George, but that fit of imaginative temper was all Winona.

The governor had the guards bind Jimmy over a table and then Kodos whipped him. _Kodos whipped Jimmy. _The bastard had done it himself. Well, Pike had his answer about that now. He was going to kill Kodos himself if the security teams could ever manage to find him. The whipping was particularly brutal. Watching the scene unfold was one of the hardest things Pike had ever done. Kodos laid the strokes slowly, almost lovingly across Jimmy's back. It was sickening to watch. Between the lashes, Kodos caressed the boys' back and face, promising the kid that everything would be alright if only he told. He would be fed. He would be welcomed back. He would regain his place with Kodos, if only he did this one little thing.

Jimmy didn't speak. He didn't scream, and he didn't beg, but tears slowly made their way down his face.

Pike couldn't help it. He wept as well. And he decided that he'd had enough of the box for today. He took a deep breath. And another. He replaced the files back in the box and walked slowly to sickbay. He allowed no emotion to show on his face as he asked Dr. Adamson to keep the box locked up for him. The doctor nodded and Pike left without speaking further.

He walked in a trance to his quarters, where he found Jimmy sleeping like a baby. The quilt had once again fallen off, and Jimmy's back and shoulders were exposed, glowing silver in the starlight. Winona's lullaby was playing.

_I know you're lost and drifting, but the clouds are lifting._  
_Don't give up, you have somewhere to turn..._

Pike couldn't help himself, he turned and sat on the boy's bed and stroked Jimmy's hair, as he allowed the tears to stream down his face. The boy turned into the touch curled around Pike without waking. Pike shifted the Jimmy so the kid's head was laying against his leg as Pike stroked his back gently._ He's okay now_, Pike told himself. _He's okay, and no one's ever going to hurt him again_.

* * *

"You would kill three kids to catch me?"Kodos narrowed his eyes and responded, "I would kill three hundred kids to capture you." Is very nearly a quote from Zorro.

Please review. You know...like you did last time. Thank you all for that, by the way. I"m glad you don't seem to think this is crap.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: THIS CHAPTER IS ...lighter than the last one, but still VERY HEAVY. But on the up-side...THERE IS FLUFF, also.

For those of you that don't know, I broke my hand. Sorry for the writing hiatus. It's better now, so there will be more chapters. Also, there was severe writers block, but I think I"m good now. So...happy reading.

If you don't like plot spoilers then attempt to not read the warnings for this chapter.

Disclaimer. I don't own them. Obviously.

Warnings for this chapter. (Theses are the same as the last chapter, but you know...be warned, please, because I don't like flamers.)...Adult content. Torture. Genocide. Child abuse. Implied possible Rape. Implied Sexual assault. Implied Non-con. None of this is graphic, but it gets mentioned, so you should know that before reading it.

* * *

Pike stroked his hands through Jimmy's hair and watched the boy sleep. The lullabye had stopped shortly after Pike walked in. He had not moved for some hours. He knew it was long after midnight. He knew he should get up. But Kodos had whipped Jimmy. He'd whipped Jimmy himself. Which meant that Starfleet now had a picture of his face. And that in turn, meant the Pike really needed to get out of this bed and call security.

He should make copies of the holo of Kodos' face and post them everywhere so that the bastard could get what was coming to him. Any trace of human feeling that Pike had harbored for the dictator had fled as Pike watched the governor whip Jimmy.

Pike was going to kill the man with his bare hands if he got the chance. Screw phasers.

Jimmy snuffled slightly in his sleep and Pike relaxed his grip, thinking that the boy might be registering his attention, and not wanting to awaken him. But Kirk seemed to register that movement, also, and he turned over to blink at Pike with his too blue eyes.

"Chris?" The kid's tone was groggy.

Pike grinned apologetically. "Hey kiddo. Sorry to wake you."

"S'ok." Jimmy slurred. He regarded Chris. "You okay?"

Pike considered lying and saying yes. But Jimmy had been lied to a lot by adults and already had trust issues.

"No," he said.

Jimmy sat up, instantly alert. Pike was once again reminded of how thoroughly, how perfectly, this kid had led his little band of followers. Instantly awake in a crisis. It took some leaders years to learn that skill. Amazing.

"What's wrong?"

Pike smiled at him. "Nothing like that, Jimmy. Just upset. Just... everything." Pike didn't want to tell the kid that he'd just watched the video of the boy being whipped.

"Commander Pike, tell me. Please."

Pike looked at Jimmy and couldn't come up with any more excuses. He sighed. Heavily. "The security team found some holos on the planet. And I just watched one of Kodos torturing...someone."

Kirk swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, that's hard."

Pike raised an eyebrow. "You watched him torture people?"

Jimmy wouldn't meet his eyes. "Yeah," he shrugged. "He made me."

Kodos had forced the boy to watch torture? Pike's vision went red at the edges. His voice, when he spoke, was hoarse. "What else did he make you do?"

Jimmy wouldn't look at him. But his knuckles were white where he gripped the blanket.

"Pike...I...he...you'll...I...can't." Jimmy hung his head. "I just...can't."

"Jimmy, please. I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to tell anyone. I'm not going to give up custody of you. I just...want to know."

The too bright eyes flicked up at him and back to the bed again. "Chris...I...I can't." Jimmy was crying, ernest and exposed and looking more helpless than Chris had ever seen him. Pike knew this was his fault, he'd done this to the kid, and now he didn't know how to make it better. He gathered the boy into his arms, and just held him and stroked his back.

Jimmy was hiccuping and wheezing and crying and just a mess. "I know you want to know...but I...I...just can't."

"It's okay, Jimmy, it's ok."

Pike had never dealt with anything like this in his life. But he made shushing sounds and told the kid that was safe, while keeping Jimmy tightly pressed against his chest. The kid was so damn small. So thin.

Jimmy quieted eventually and sniffed against Pike's neck as the kid fought to keep his sobs under control.

Pike continued stroking his back. "It's ok, Jimmy, none of that is your fault."

Jimmy sniffed. "You don't know that."

Pike did know that. Whatever Kodos had done, it hadn't been Jimmy's fault. "Hey, kid, look at me."

Jimmy's lip trembled as he fought Pike's attempts at eye contact. Pike caught the boy's face in his hand and raised the kid's chin, so that Jimmy was forced to look him in the eyes. Pike kept his voice soft when he spoke. "It's not your fault, Jim. Whatever he did, it's not your fault."

Jimmy looked him a long time, not saying anything.

"Please trust me." Pike tried again.

The kid's head came up a minuscule amount at that. "I...I don't remember all of it."

That stood to reason. He couldn't imagine the kid would want to remember any of it. "Well, that makes sense to me."

Jimmy looked up at him questioningly. But Pike had had his fair share of things he blocked out as well.

"Jimmy, we block things out because we can't deal with them. It's a way of protecting ourselves."

The kid snuffled against him, petulantly. "I know that."

Pike waited until the kid looked him in the eyes again. "Good, because that means that some part of you knows that you are worth protecting."

When Jimmy processed those words, his eyes filled again with tears that tracked wet passages down the sides of his cheeks. These tears were quieter than the ones that had blinded him a few minutes earlier, and Pike couldn't help it, he grabbed the boy and pulled him close again.

"It's okay," he kept repeating. "You are worth it, Jimmy. You're worth everything."

Pike wondered how this kid had been in his life such a short time and already the kid had rearranged all of Pike's priorities. He rubbed the boy's back until the sobbing subsided.

I'm getting good at this, Pike thought. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd comforted a crying Jimmy. And to think, before a few weeks ago, he'd never so much as held a crying child. Despite their newfound rapport, Pike was wishing that he didn't have to comfort Jimmy. That none of these things had happened to the kid, and that the Kirks were still alive. It was funny, he hadn't thought much of George or Winnie over the years, but now...he missed them almost tangibly.

Pike ran a hand absentmindedly down Jimmy's back, and it occurred to him just how large the kid's capacity for trust must be. If their positions were reversed, Pike would not have allowed anyone to touch his back. That gave Pike an idea.

"Jimmy, do you trust me?"

Jimmy was quiet at first. Damn. The kid could probably smell trap in the question. Pike sighed. He'd have to think of something else-

"Yes."

Oh. "Good." Pike nodded. That was good. But he didn't speak. He was waiting to see if Jimmy took the bait on his own.

"You want me to prove it to you." Jimmy's voice was flat; defeated.

Pike startled. It occurred to him then, that he might be acting like a dick. You weren't suppposed to push kids who'd had traumatic experiences. "No," he said. "No."

Jimmy looked doubtful.

Pike decided it was time to lay his cards on the table. "Jimmy...I...when I found you, I..." Pike trailed off. He couldn't imagine it. It haunted his dreams.

He tried again. "And...I...just wanted to kill whoever'd done that to you...and that was without knowing you..."

"Or who I was." Jimmy's voice was soft.

Pike looked at the kid sharply. "Don't think that's why I wanted you." His voice was harsh, and Jimmy looked startled. Pike sighed and checked himself.

"I wanted you...for you. You're a right piece of work. You've got...spunk...and I...just...like that in a person." He trailed off again.

Dammit. Pike felt like an ass. He never had trouble putting words to his thoughts, but now, when it mattered, the ability had completely deserted him.

"Fuck." Jimmy's eye's widened. Oh shit. Pike hadn't meant to say that aloud. You didn't swear in front of kids. He nearly swore again, but he bit his lips instead.

Jimmy giggled.

Well, shit. Pike hadn't heard Jimmy giggle like a normal child. Despite his frustration, Pike smiled.

And then Jimmy looked at him shyly and Pike's heart nearly broke for the pure innocence of it. It was a look he'd never thought he'd see on this boy's face.

Right. Cards on the table then. Pike drew in a deep breath. "Jimmy. I want to keep you...permanently. I'm...not good at this...I might be a terrible parent, but...I want to keep you with me."

Jimmy just gaped at him. Open-mouthed.

Okay, so that wasn't the reaction he'd been hoping for.

Pike decided to try again. "I want to keep you. Permanently. I'll keep you safe. I'll feed you whenever you want to eat. I can't really be worse than an orphanage-"

"Yes." Jimmy's voice was quiet. It was not what Pike had expected. The kid wasn't throwing his arms around Pike, and he wasn't jumping for joy, but he was...serious. There was no hesitation in Jimmy's eyes. The kid didn't look like a child now, but a fellow adult.

This was not a spontaneous decision on Jimmy's part. No. The kid'd been thinking about this.

Pike quelled an urge to hug the boy again. He'd reduced the kid to tearful hugs enough this evening. "Okay," he said. "I'll file the paper work."

"Okay."

Pike smiled. "What you didn't already do it yourself?" he said with a fake, mocking tone.

Jimmy's blush was uncharacteristically hesitant as he studied the floor.

Pike's eyebrows rose. "Jimmy?" he prodded.

Jimmy mumbled something too soft to hear.

"What?"

"I said, I wasn't sure you'd want me." Jimmy pulled away and faced the window. This time the boy's voice edged on defiant. Evidently the kid wasn't a fan of having to repeat himself when he was nervous.

"Oh, Jim." Pike said. He dropped to one knee at the kid's side, and gently put his hands on the kid's upper arms, tugging the boy back to face him. "Worth everything, remember."

The sapphire gaze locked with Pike's and after a small eternity, Jimmy nodded.

"Right." Pike stood and worked his hands against the knots that were forming in his back. He felt a little like he'd just proposed marriage to someone. But then he supposed that made sense. He had just made a lifetime commitment. And he did not regret it. "I'll put the paperwork through when we're done here."

Pike sat beside Jimmy on the bed, and just looked at the kid. In the several days he'd been in Pike's quarters, the kid had gotten some of his color back. He was dangerously thin, but that would also change in time. Jimmy looked...better. He probably still shouldn't be leaving the bed for any length of time, though, but maybe he could have visitors.

"Jimmy, we need to talk," Pike said.

Jimmy nodded but looked like he was steeling himself for something very unpleasant. "What do you want?" He looked wary.

"I was thinking that if you are feeling up to it, maybe you could have visitors tomorrow, so long as you don't get too tired out."

Jimmy positively beamed him. "Really?" The look on the kid's face was incredulous.

"Yeah."

"Awesome." It was such a childlike answer that Pike ruffled the kid's hair. But that had been the easy part. The next bit...would be harder.

"It's...about Kodos," Pike said.

Jimmy's gaze hardened. "What about him?"

"Look, kiddo, I'm sorry to ask you this, but you've seen him, and you can tell me what he looks like." Pike knew he should tell the kid he had the holo, but he just didn't think that was ready to hear it. But he didn't like hiding the truth from Jimmy.

Jimmy's face relaxed. "Yeah." The kid went quiet for a few minutes; he looked thoughtful. "There are a couple of us that have seen him. That's all. If you go down and get Tom Leighton, Kevin Riley, Eddie Molson, Kindi Wyn, and Matt-we could all tell you what he looks like."

Pike nodded. "Okay. I'll get a sketch artist up here first thing in the morning."

"Okay."

Pike couldn't do this. Not telling the kid felt more like a lie than anything else Pike had said to the kid since they'd met, and Pike had seen that Kirk had had precious little honesty in his life over the past year. "Jimmy, I need to be straight with you."

The kid looked up, his eyes huge in the star light. Pike saw the kid try to repress a swallow. Shit, how did you start a conversation like this?

"I...Jimmy,...I..." Dammit Christopher, pull yourself together man. "The video I just watched...it was of Kodos whipping you." He said it all in one go, as though he was reporting to a superior officer. It made it easier.

Jimmy's face was expressionless. It could have been carved from stone for all emotion it betrayed.

"Oh."

It was all he said.

_Shit_. Pike shouldn't have told the kid. _Shit_.

"Have you shown it to anyone else?" Jimmy's voice was distant, as though he was speaking from a long way away.

"No." Pike said, "No one else has seen it."

Jimmy nodded. There was still no expression on his face. "Why do you need to know what Kodos looks like if you already have a picture?"

Pike supposed that was a fair question. "Because...he might have changed his looks, because I want to find him more than anything, and because...I didn't want to put you at risk."

Jimmy's head came up at that. "Me? At risk, how?"

Pike dropped to his knees in front of Jimmy. "Because Kodos clearly wants you. I don't want him to know I have you. I don't want anyone finding out where you are unless I've personally inspected and cleared them. Because you are one of the bravest people I've ever known, and I don't want anyone to ever be able to hurt you again...I just...I know you don't really need it, but you make people _want_ to protect you."

It was the most emotional thing Pike had said to anyone in a very long time. _Damn, what was this kid doing to him._

"Okay," Jimmy said, taking a deep breath. "Okay."

Jimmy nodded again. The kid still seemed hesitant to meet Pike's eyes. Well, that would change in time.

"I witnessed the execution order." Jimmy's voice was so quiet Pike almost didn't hear him.

_SHIT._

He nearly gasped aloud. Pike had not realized that anyone witnessing the order was still alive. That meant they had legal evidence binding Kodos to the executions. Visual evidence. If they could just catch the fucker then they'd have him.

"I wasn't supposed to hear it. But I was Kodo's...pet, kind of. His favorite. He always wanted me around." Jimmy trailed off, his cheeks tinged pink.

Pike thought back to the holo of Jimmy showering and wondered what the kid meant by "pet." He shuddered. Not for the first time, Pike fantasized about killing the governor with his bare hands when Pike found him.

But then, strangulation might be too good for him.

_If he'd touched Jimmy..._

But then Jimmy was speaking again, "I'd gotten suspicious, see, and he was acting...funny. So I followed him. And I heard the executions and then I ran to back to the cabin to see if I could save any of the guys."

Pike fought to get himself under control. Now was not the time. Jimmy did not deserve this reaction. When Pike spoke again, his voice was even. "You said you'd seen him torture people." It wasn't a question. Pike wished like hell it could have been.

"Yeah. More than one." Jimmy didn't elaborate.

Pike felt sick. "That was...after? When he was trying to break you?"

Jimmy nodded silently, not looking at Pike.

Pike knew he shouldn't ask, he did, but really, he needed to know. "Has...did he...touch you in any way?"

Jimmy's blue eyes met Pike's with no expression on his face. "Does it matter?"

That was his answer.

Pike closed his eyes against the truth of it, and restrained himself against the impulse to pull the kid to his chest and never letting him go.

"No," he said, his voice strained. "No, it doesn't matter."

In truth, though, Pike had known as soon as he'd seen the way Kodos had stroked Jimmy's back when the he'd been whipping him. There was something just..wrong about it.

"Jimmy, would you be comfortable telling the captain what you've told me?" Pike asked it gently, wanted to make sure the kid understood it was a request and not an order.

"Why are you asking me if you're going to tell him anyway?" Jimmy's tone was not sullen, exactly, just very, very resigned.

"I'm not going to tell him anyway," Pike said.

Jimmy shot him an incredibly sarcastic, disbelieving look. Pike had seen that look on Winnona's face quite a few times.

"Jim, as far as I'm concerned, you've shared confidential information with your _guardian_. Not with Starfleet. Now, I'm not gonna lie, I'd like you to tell the captain because I'd like to get this son of a bitch, but I'm _NOT_ violating your privacy to do it. Clear?"

Jimmy's mouth actually dropped open. "Pike...I...I...didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't, kiddo." He patted the kid's shoulder reassuringly. He'd just wanted to make sure he'd made his point. Pike thought he'd done it rather well.

"You can call the captain." Jimmy's voice was quiet.

Well, that was a bit of a surprise. "Okay, I can call him first thing in the morning-''

"Now." Jimmy interrupted. "Now, before I lose my nerve."

And Pike wanted to say that it was the middle of the night, but then he realized it didn't matter. His captain's favor was not more important than Jimmy's.

So Pike called and woke the captain, and explained the situation. Mortari, the CMO, one ensign from communications and another from security all appeared about a half an hour later, coffee in hand and bleary-eyed. The security and communications ensigns had brought recording tri-corder and because of ranks of the attending witnesses, the evidence gathered by the tri-corder could be submitted to the prosecution as evidence. It would not get Jimmy out of testifying at a trial itself, but it would get him out of all of the preliminary steps. The CMO came as an outside observer to monitor Jimmy's condition.

Pike had seen many forms of bravery in his lifetime, but this kid was something else entirely. Jimmy was shirtless, clad only in his pajama bottoms, with the scars on his back bare for anyone in the room to see. Though the kid did periodically fist his hands in the quilt Winnona had made for him, he comported himself like a pro, especially given the subject matter he was discussing.

"-by then I knew about the fungus," Jimmy was saying. "You shouldn't underestimate my abilities with computers. But Kodos always did..."

No man could have been prouder to have a son like this.

_A son._

Pike gulped.

_He was going to have a son._

But then he smiled.

He was okay with that.

The captain and the others left sometime after six, ship's morning. Moritari was kind enough to give Pike the morning off, which Pike appreciated. He rather suspected that the captain would be taking the morning off as well. Jimmy had given them permission to use the images from the holo of him being whipped, provided that they removed his name. Captain Moritari had agreed.

Pike really, could not have been prouder of the boy if he'd sired him himself.

"I'm so proud of you, Jimmy. What you did just now...well, I don't know if I could have done that...I'm just...really proud of you."

Jimmy stared at the floor, blushing. He bit his lips. "Thanks."

"You are welcome." Pike stroked the kid's head, gently. And Jimmy gently shook his fingers off. But he smiled when he did it.

"Well, I should let you get some sleep, now, kiddo." Pike said it reluctantly, but he knew that they both needed sleep.

Jimmy nodded, not saying much. He looked hesitant for a moment. Pike was concerned. The too blue orbs were huge as the kid stared up at him. "What am I supposed to call you?"

This time Pike did not resist the urge to hold him. He wrapped Jimmy in his arms, and ruffled his hair. "Call me whatever you want, kiddo. Whatever makes you comfortable."

* * *

"Good, because that means that some part of you knows that you are worth protecting."...is not mine. A couple years ago, someone very special said those words to me.

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